Yorkshire Cosplay Con

Today was the first day of my four day weekend.

I'm a cosplayer, which if you don't know what cosplay is, simply put and broken down it means costume play. Cosplay is taken to another level these days, set aside your normal ideas of fancy dress shops with cheaply made outfits and wigs that make you itch and sweat; cosplay is consisered an art and there are some that now make money from it, which if you can achieve I consider to be quite formidable, but like the modelling industry it will only serve you as long as your slim figure and porcelain skin survive.

Cosplay for me is a totally different world, in the past I have used it as escape from the mundanity of normal life but now after several years of being in the community I now realise it means something completely different for me, it means friendship. The friendships I have formed in the cosplay community have far outweighed the 'fame' so to speak. The cosplay world is full of likeminded souls all passionate and excited about sharing their love of anime, manga, gaming etc and it is a beautiful thing to see.

This weekend I head to the Yorkshire Cosplay Con, which I am honoured to say that I have been asked to guest, this is something completely extraordinary in itself, I'm a pretty low-key and humble when it comes to cosplay, there had been a time when I wanted to climb the ladder and make something of myself but I learned in the space of a year that's not really what it's all about. Yorkshire cosplay con will hold some incredibly big named guests including the voice actor of Sebastian Michaelis from Kuroshitsuji (a cosplay I am doing this weekend), not only do I get to see this idol of mine but I get to assist him being pied in the face for charity! What an honour ;)

So as I sit in my husbands band practice room and wondering what the weekend will hold for me I thank those who made it possible for me to guest at such an event, I'm not sure what else to say but be prepared for many pictures and a run down of everything that happened!

Stay positive guys and always make sure you do what you love ❤️

Resurrection - The BPD demon

It's been a long time since my last post, a very long time.

Life isn't always easy, we all know that. Every moment of your life can't be sunshine and rainbows as much as we want it to be. Sometimes life reaches a point where it tests us to our absolute limit, pushing the boundaries as far as it can to see how much we will bend before we snap.

On the 17th April this year, my husband Daniel was pushed to his snapping point and by some miracle he made it out alive and is still with me. The 17th April marked the day I found my husband Daniel ODd in our bed and was rushed to hospital.

For the next 40 days Daniel and I were pulled apart into two different worlds as he began his road to recovery in two different establishments before his release only a matter of days ago. Though the time has apart was testing, I myself had to battle against my own pre conceived thoughts about the man I married, I managed to throw years of heated arguments and nights crying wondering when he would come home under the carpet because we finally had an answer for our problems.

Daniel had been diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder

This disorder has quite a stigma attached to it in the mental health world, the 'Jekyll and Hyde' or ''Black and White' disorder, it's almost verges on schizophrenia but not quite. The BPD victim will suffer from things such as suicidal thoughts, self harming behaviour, they will struggle to control their anger and feel empty and lonely a lot of the time; there is much more to it but I'm not writing this blog to outline the illness, I'm here to make peace with the past.

As I read more and more about devil on my husbands shoulder I realised there had been nothing wrong with our relationship, all the times I felt like I had been abused in some form or another had been because I felt that he had been out to intentionally hurt me when in fact our arguments had been a catalyst and made his illness reactive. I, as a Scorpio (though that doesn't have much to do with things) and as a woman who has been hurt in the past was reactive when Daniel entered crisis mode and it had been damaging for us both. Though I know we cannot use his illness to discard all of our problems (that would be rediculous) it has played a major role in the past and some things are just too coincidental not to link to it it.

Daniel felt abandoned (a major part of his illness) by me for a long time, whether it had been me isolating myself away in another room and ignoring him when he came looking for attention, or not offering to make some food or a brew, even denying him sex because of all the hurt and resentment that had been building in me. When I read more about the disorder I had been reacting to him in the worst possible way. In hindsight if I had known we might even have children by now but we didn't know, that was the problem, he'd never been seen to in his younger years and instead everyone he confided in and every relationship he had broke down because of his rollercoaster nature.

I have never not loved my husband, ever. I have never regretted marrying him. When we got engaged and I gave him my fathers ring and the day I gave him my fathers wedding ring and saw him standing there waiting for me looking so anxious but pleased I'd finally shown up (albeit 20 minutes late - another faux pa for the BPD victim) I knew I had made the right choice. I adore this man with all my soul and to know there is nothing wrong with us as a couple now is a breath of relief but now we must work together to build back up our life and trust.

I really believe that Daniel had taken something from all of this, he's better in himself already, having changed his circle of friends, changed to a vegan diet, washes and makes himself look handsome every day, actively makes food and does DIY on the house. He's inspiring to me but then he always was and I have heartbreakingly missed him for so long. I'm proud every new day that he gets up and seeks help if he needs it, attends group therapy, even just shares something silly on my Facebook wall because I know he is trying and that's all I can ask right now.

Daniel has and always will be my reason for getting up each day, even though they say you have to make yourself happy and live for yourself I'm just not like that, I'm a hopeless romantic and though this love story might once have been a tradgedy it can now be far from it. There is still a long way to go and though he's only been home four days I can already see life changing for the better and our marriage growing into something stronger than it was before.

For anyone out there suffering this evil illness, please talk to someone, anyone! There is always someone there who will listen or who loves you enough to help you, do not feel alone, please, it could have been too late Daniel but he was given another chance to try again. To those loving someone with BPD, be patient, be loving, be supportive and don't ever think for one moment if they go into crisis mode that they are taking it out in you and you are the problem, they need as much understanding and love you can give. Believe me if you can love them with this illness you are doing something profoundly hard but amazing, you are doing something others have failed, when everyone left you stayed and that is an act of ultimate love.

I will keep this blog going, I will try and offer insight and support to those who need it most, whether you are suffering this illness or are going through it with someone, I will try and keep hope and enlightenment but I cannot promise every day to be happy, life isn't made to be that way, but you can count on my honesty as we travel this uncertain road.

Stay strong, stay open, stay trusting and most of all just love and support each other, I will never put myself into a position to loose my reason for living ever again.

❤️

Writing Again

I've got back into my fanfiction writing after being totally submerged in the TV series 'Once Upon A Time' for days! I love Rumplestiltskin and Belle, another OTP to add to my list :)

The Beauty Underneath

Moving Forward

I have a tendency to get pretty depressed sometimes, its no ones fault and I try to keep it at bay the most I can but my problem is that I over think every little thing.

I've got a emotional range the size of the periodic table and my personality and feelings are like a sponge, everything gets absorbed and sits there until the sponge gets thoroughly soaked and I have to squeeze it out.

There's a few things on my mind at the moment, the first thing being the house. I'm doing my best to get these jobs booked in and sorted and we're pretty much halfway there now but the remaining few things are getting increasingly hard to get sorted because of time restraints and bloody workmen never turning up! It's infuriating, it seems like I don't care about my property but I do, I've got loads of money to throw at it but I'm so busy working that I have to book holiday days to get it done.

The second thing is work, I've got my personal review next week and I think there's only so long I can feign enthusiasm for the whole thing to the higher powers. When they ask me what I think the future of my shop is I just want to reply, "Have you seen the state of Blackpool high street? Have you seen how many empty unite or lack of people to sell to there are? Even when we get a customer its like trying to get blood out of a stone with the little amount of money these people have. Personally I give our shop another year to two years before its going to end up empty and changed into another pound or thrift shop." But I can't say that can I? So the appropriate answer will be an absolute load of tripe and trying to pull positive numbers together to support the fact we're doing 'well.'

Thirdly, there's the matter of Daniel and I getting married. Before you jump to conclusions I can safely say we're very much in love as always if not even more than ever which is why the fact that we can't seem to pull things together for the big day is making things more miserable for us. We see everyone moving on with their lives whilst me and Dan are still dreaming, hoping and trying to scrape things together. There's nothing we want more and poor Dan is so frustrated, he's been trying to either get a raise on his money with his current work or find something with more pay but has been unable to do either; he wants desperately to pay for his half of things and he's so proud he would never ask for any help. It just seems sometimes like the only ones who are looking forward to our wonderful day is us. I don't want to sound selfish at all, I love that everyone is starting their lives but we really do deserve a little bit of luck in this department, god knows we're trying, we keep wondering when. When is our turn?

We do have a lot to be thankful for though, we've both got full time jobs, we can afford luxuries like the occasional holiday and meal out, we've got a property we don't have to rent and a minimal amount of bills, we've got two little furbabies that always look forward to seeing us, we're warm and clothed and most of all, the most important thing is that we have each other. I don't know what I would do without him and I know he really needs me more than anything though he'd never let you know unless you got some wine down him.

I just need to stay positive and not let things get to me, our turn will come for the good things that we want, there's no rush, its not like we're going anywhere. However we want to move forward, maybe we should just go for it? Seize the moment and all that. I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess I just need to stop being a worry wart and let things happen.

Disney Princess Hell

I’ve been a fan of Disney probably since before I could talk, let’s face it, Disney is forced down children’s throats from an early age and I don’t think there’s a single person on earth that doesn’t know who Mickey Mouse is.

It’s been several years since Disney made their last ever hand drawn animated feature, The Princess and The Frog featuring Tiana, a strong willed independent ‘princess’ and it’s made me wonder about the future of our Disney princesses and what message they are now trying to convey to the younger generation as opposed to the one they used to.

I grew up on Disney princesses such as Ariel, Belle, Jasmine and Pocahontas from the late eighties up to the late nineties, each with their own wondrous tale of old regaling their love stories with their chosen prince/suitor. I have extremely fond memories of their romances, it took me away from the mundanity of real life into a make believe world where true love existed and it gave me a rosy tinted idea of the world.

Recently, since Disney has moved to computer generated art, I’ve noticed a drastic change in your modern heroine. Disney is trying to push free spirited and strong willed way too hard. Of course I’m not against the fact that girls should be strong independent women and take matters into their own hands but at the same time let’s not make men out to be the bad guys and emasculate them.

One particular part in the movie ‘Tangled’ the story of Rapunzel and her long glowing magic hair, that really irritated me was the fact that at the end of the movie when they go in for the obligatory kiss scene, Rapunzel a skinny little blonde wisp of a thing with twig arms takes Flynn and dips his broad muscly body down and kisses him instead. I don’t know if this is intended as a joke or to be taken seriously but I thought it just ruined the whole thing. Who wants to see a girl desperately clutching at a man trying to suck his face off, come on Rapunzel you did pretty well up to this point (apart from being a plastic indecisive lispy stereotypical blonde – sorry if you’re blonde, she didn’t do you any favours).

In the Disney store there’s Princess Sophie, a young go getting brunette princess with her head screwed on pretty tight and she’s got some important messages to convey. I can’t really remember what they are unless I take a trip to the Disney store but one in particular is something like ‘I can do anything that a prince can’, okay that’s fair enough but you’ve pretty much just made a feminist remark there by having to tell everyone that you can. There is no shame in being a beautiful princess that’s well looked after and gets to marry comfortably one day, isn’t that what we all wanted? After all, all of the Disney princesses got their castles in the end; even Rapunzel that married a lowly peasant still got her castle.

The most recent Disney movie to come out is ‘Frozen’, it’s basically the story of the snow queen re-envisioned to have Elsa, the snow queen, be sisters with Anna and the two of them are saved by the power of love but not love with a man, the sisterly kind of love i.e. sisters before misters. I personally loved Frozen, I thought that the character development was a little weak apart from Olaf but other than that it was visually stunning and heart-warming. The thing that did annoy me though was the fact that they’ve introduced and very adult theme into this movie and I don’t really think it was suitable. Men are conniving liars to get what they want.

So good looking Prince Hans of the Southern Isles plays the love game with Elsa’s sister Anna just so that he can get a shot at the throne, nice. I actually spotted very early on that Anna and Hans didn’t fit together very well and that something was definitely awry but I never thought that Disney would be teaching young girls that the good looking guy that comes to wisk you off your feet is always going to be a bad guy out for his own means. I agree with what Elsa says in this movie, ‘You can’t marry a man you just met’, she very much the first voice of reason that Disney has ever had and I relate to her the most but when I watch a Disney movie I don’t want reality, I want the fantasy.

Frozen addresses the issue of putting your family first, which is very important but children shouldn’t need to be told that. Every teenage girl needs to go through the stage of life when she wants to go out and see a boy more than spending some time with her family, it helps her parents to enforce ground rules and exercise control. If you’re going to spend your younger years being mollycoddled by your family and siblings then you’re going to end up socially inept when it comes to finding a partner and you might even find yourself alone.

There’s a couple of Disney films that I would like to bring up to support my cause that love doesn’t have to be the end of your journey and that’s all you’re going to end up with. My first film will be Pocahontas, this film is very close to my heart, and it addresses quite a few issues very dear to me such as anti-capitalisation and open mindedness.

Most people are aware of the story of Pocahontas; if you’re not then you’ve been living under a rock – just kidding. Pocahontas is the story of the daughter of the chief of an American Indian tribe in America who meets a man called John Smith who has come with crew to make a mark on the ‘New World’ and obviously it’s about their love affair. Pocahontas shows the beauty of communication as well as understanding, two things that are very lacking in this superficial world, whilst trying to open the minds of two very different worlds to each other’s way of life. The love story is pretty much the pivotal thing that is trying to bring everyone together in this movie and I believe it’s one of Disney’s greatest triumphs and taught the children of that era to be more understood and patient. In the end Pocahontas and John Smith don’t end up together, they both separate despite being desperately in love, so that they can spread the word of peace. At the same time keeping her strong will and femininity, Pocahontas represents wisdom which although hard some children to have so young gives them something to aspire to.

My second choice of films is Mulan, the story of a Chinese maiden that takes her injured fathers place in the army disguised as a man so that he can be spared. Love really isn’t a main theme (apart from love for family obviously) here but there is a love story between Mulan and the Captain of the Chinese army, Shang. It’s a story of honour and putting others needs before your own. Mulan isn’t a princess but I’d say she’s a very good role model for young girls, she sets aside settling down with a match because let’s face it she’s a bit of a tomboy and a misfit and she’s just happy being young but she desperately wants to uphold the family’s honour and make her father proud. Her relationship with Captain Shang is unusual, there isn’t the typical development of falling in love, in fact they don’t really seem interested at all in each other until the very end when he comes to seek her out after she’s saved China and awkwardly ‘stays for dinner’. Mulan doesn’t need a man but she ends up with one and they become Yin and Yang together, it’s nice to see Disney trying to show that women can have the strength to fight when needed and that they’re not restricted by the boundaries of sex.

Lastly, there’s Belle from Beauty and The Beast. I liked Belle when I was a little girl, she seemed to be the most like myself, she was intelligent, kind and was always dreaming of something more to her happen in her life i.e. ‘I want so much more than they’ve got planned’. Belle’s nature was supported by her father and I imagine he was very encouraging of her being different but at the same time a little oblivious at to just how much of an outcast she was in the town. The townsfolk, just like society nowadays, shunned anything different to breaking the mould of everyday ‘normal’ life, which was as I imagine having children and settling down. Gaston, the main antagonist in this movie is brilliant, a perfect Disney villain, showing all the horrible characteristics of the chauvinistic male or the ‘carpet carriers’ as I like to call them; there was nothing hidden to Gaston, you won’t supposed to like him at the start, I liked it when Disney made its villains obvious unlike the newer films where you just can’t tell. Belle’s relationship with the Beast, or Prince Adam, is brilliant and very natural, two people that come together through hardship and grow to love each other through patience and opening each other’s eyes, Belle changes him, opens up his eyes and softens his heart and it finally sets him free. Beauty and The Beast is the best example of how a woman can naturally help people with the benefits of her sex, being the virtues or honesty, intelligence, love and understanding. Belle wasn’t a hyperactive giggling, stupid wreck that happened to get lucky in love as it so seems happens to most of the ‘princesses’ these days.

I’ve gone a bit off topic with this but the point is that there was nothing wrong with the old style of Disney Princesses; these films were famous for their romances and fairy tales. Disney need to continue making intelligent free spirited women with common sense but at the same time lets please keep some fantasy and keep real life issues to a minimum, no one wants to see Disney Princess bridled with the woes of wondering if her true love really is true.

Disney, keep your fairy tales and step away from reality!

Love To Love

I guess sometimes people wonder why I like to spend most of my time at home and with my significant other rather than being out socialising and ‘seeing the world’, the fact is so called friends are overrated. I’m not talking about my close friends, the ones I consider to be family like Bob, Christy and Matthew but the ones that really grind on me with their self-righteous view of the world and all that it has to supposedly offer.

I was thinking about this the other day and how I may appear to these ‘friends’, in their eyes I imagine them to see me as a thirty something still trying to hold on to the remains of their twenty something years with no hopes or prospects ahead of me apart from the lifelong trawl of getting married, having children and ending up unhappily married. Well, sorry to disappoint you but sometimes people actually do find their happily ever after because they bloody deserve it and people shouldn’t be so fucking bitter about others happiness because they never found someone willing enough to put up with their vile personality and love them for it.

There. I know it’s probably not the nicest thing to have come out with but unfortunately after years of being used, ground down and quietly nodding and smiling in agreement to absolute and utter bullshit that emanates from these people there’s only so much that you can take without wanting to vent it somewhere. I’m not two faced by any means, quite frankly if I was confronted I would gladly admit my feelings, I’m not the person I used to be, I’ve started cutting all the shit from my life.

I don’t think there’s any point keeping poison in your life when you reach a certain age, all the bitching and whinging gets left behind like it should have done in the school yard, there is absolutely no reason to hold on to people that only make you feel depressed and pretty pained to be around sometimes. The only people I want in my life are the ones that make me happy and that’s Dan and my family.

Since I was about fifteen I’ve been in serious relationships, by no means have I been jumping from one to the next with rose tinted glasses under the pretence that everyone is going to be ‘the one’, in fact every relationship I’ve had has been incredibly difficult but I’ve learned so much from each of these people I have absolutely no regrets. I love being in relationships, I was born to be someone’s significant other and lover, I have romance and love coming from every pore in my body and nothing makes me feel so good as when I’m in my other half’s arms.

Relationship mastery is something left only to the patient and caring, it’s a very dedicated art and takes a lot of perseverance, I can understand why some people are so bad at it and just give up and adhere to the fact that ‘It’s better to be alone’. I think these people are really missing out on how much you get from a commitment as solid as this, you have your best friend and lover at the same time, someone who understands you, doesn’t take you for granted and is always there when you open your eyes in the morning.

Instead of socialising (sorry what’s that? Oh you meant drinking into oblivion – “socialising”), I spent my days going on dates and trips everywhere, filling my life with memories and events (even though some of these men weren’t really worth the time to be honest). At the end of the day, I shook off the friends that didn’t matter and the friends that did persevered and are still here to this day supporting me and loving me for all my odd quirks.

Long story short, I love being in love, it is one of the reasons for my existence, I love being with someone and I’m happy to report that I’ve finally found the one that is going to keep me tied down right until the very end. His name is Daniel and he is my soulmate and this is my life.

I am truly happy.

Forbidden Love Movies

Right, its coming up to Valentine's Day and I am really sick of looking around the Internet for some seriously interesting romantic movies with a bit of depth. When searching I am constantly subjected to the same old tripe over and over again, for example: Titanic, Ghost, Dirty Dancing yadayadayada... well I say bollocks to that crap, here's some movies with a bit of integrity.

Okay, so I have a bit of a mix of period, Gothic, fantasy and modern thrown in here but anyways, here's what I recommend (these are in no particular order):

1. Memoirs of a Geisha - We've got an absolutely stunning setting, fabulous costumes, lots of history and intrigue and also some of the most beautiful Japanese women I have ever seen. Its a very classy movie, no gratuitous shagging here people, just a long and wonderful tale of forbidden romance. If you like a visual feast then this is just what you're looking for, its also not too soppy and has elements to keep the man happy.

2. Moulin Rouge - Yes I am a sucker for my musicals and yes this one is cheesy but that's how its supposed to be, through all the brightness and jolly behaviour during the films its dark undertones, the forbidden love and the final curtain, it is a harrowing tale and Ewan's McGregors tears and acting at the very end is so harrowing it breaks my heart to hear it every time. However, if you can't stand people breaking out into song every two minutes then steer clear.

3. Phantom of The Opera - Another lavish instalment here and by far my personal favourite, it cannot be explained in words just how intoxicating this film is but please just watch it once, if you are a true romantic you will understand why. I still rue to the day she ended up with Raoul....or does she (Love Never Dies is the musical sequel, if you loved this then move on to the second part but just keep a box of Kleenex handy as the ending gets me in buckets every time).

4. The Saint - I stumbled across this movie quite accidentally and I really did overplay it, I cannot get enough of Val Kilmer in this movie. Anyways, it centres around Simon Templar, a thief, he's paid to do a job and steal some notes from a woman and to do so he romances her but then falls in love with her. Some of the most sensual and anticipating scenes I have seen in quite a while - leg quivering business.

5. Entrapment - Same genre (crime/romance) as the previous film, about two thieves that pair up together this time, but who is playing whom? Sean Connery is incredibly sexy in this movie (even though he's grey but who cares it all about the romance), the way he looks at Cathering Zeta Jones will make you melt and the ending is fantastic, I can't recommend this highly enough.

6. Thomas Crown Affair - following on from crime and criminals, exactly the same as previous but some incredibly steamy stuff in here especially the scene in the club *psst no underwear*, the ending to this movie is outstanding just like Entrapment and I did well up quite a bit during this.

7. Stealing Heaven - Apart from its absolutely outstanding soundtrack this movie is a real winner and heavily underrated. Its the story of a forbidden romance between a renaissance teacher and the niece of the nobleman at the home he is residing at. You could cut the atmosphere and sexuality in the air with a knife between these two. Also, its based on a true story and the remains of Abelard and Heloise are buried together in Paris to this day.

8. Dangerous Beauty - A woman becomes a courtesan after she cannot be with the man she loves, he ends up chasing her in the end. I have always had an affinity for movies surrounding courtesans and women of the night and I really like the way our heroine managed to turn this on its heads to her advantage. This is a period set romance and its deliciously sexy!

That's my lot for the moment, I will follow up with more movies when I get a look at my collection.

Dreams

I've not been around much lately, in fact I've had so much on my mind I haven't felt very creative at all, so hence no posts for a while (why on earth did Vernon Dursley come into my mind 'no post on Sunday's' - odd.)

I had some holiday time last week and after a really slow and painful January in retail it was very much needed. I spent part of the holiday tripping down to old London town to see my best friend Bob, we got to go to the Harry Potter Warner Brothers Studio Tour and I could have spent an absolute fortune but I held back and returned with a lovely little Crookshanks fluffy toy of Hermionie's cat to add to my expanding cat collection.

The time away from Blackpool definitely did me the world of good, I returned feeling fresher and in a better mood with Daniel (we live together and see each other so much its nice to get out of each others pockets - I feel like I can be annoying sometimes and whenever I return from a trip he's always overly happy to see me. It's nice to remind yourself that you do miss your other half when you go away). It was also brilliant to see Bob as always, we live so far apart now from living so close once upon a time and we really do cherish the time we have together, however short it may be. We're not as young as we once were and we both get pretty tired trying to keep up with young souls.

Coming back to Blackpool was a real knock in the teeth. There's nothing to keep me here apart from a couple of things: my mum, Dan's family and the odd couple of friends. Thing is, Daniel and I would move straight down to London at the drop of a hat if it weren't for having a mortgaged property, two cats that would panic at the move and probably wouldn't be allowed in a rented property and the fact that it might be hard to find a job. Sometimes I think we might be stuck in Blackpool forever, living the same mundane life with the same mundane jobs. Things is, I'm not miserable, I have Daniel and he's the thing I look forward to at the end of each day and vice versa, I have my two little baby kitties and a really financially comfortable job.

I just feel like sometimes Daniel and I deserve something a bit more exciting, we could easily settle into the trap of marriage then kids then old age like everyone seems to do when they give up their dreams but we want so much more than that. We're both motivated (when the mood strikes), ambitious and have heads full, of crazy and wonderful ideas, I think we just need to start making dreams reality.

I made a little step forward with my dreams, I started writing reviews and articles for AltBlackpool so at least my writing is getting out of there in some form or another, hopefully it will be a nice little feather in my cap come the time I might want to go for something, possibly, in journalism. I've written two pieces so far but hopefully with the more reviews I do, the more doors might start to open for me.

I think that pursuing dreams is a tricky thing, they're something that will come to you in the right moment at exactly the right time. Some people are lucky and they get their chance straight away, others they have to wait a long time and then suddenly it (whatever it may be) appears. I don't think fulfilling your dreams will be an instant gratification sort of thing, more something you have to work at and maintain, for example, I want to be an author more than anything in this world but if I got published I would have to continue to work at it and keep myself motivated so that I can hold on to my dream.

You'll get knocked no matter how hard you try, there will always be someone shaking their head and rolling their eyes thinking 'yeah right, you're stuck in that life you made for yourself' but ignore them, in fact why are you even listening to them in the first place, they're not important. For heavens sake always, always chase your dreams and make sure that one day you don't look back in regret and wish you'd stuck to your guns.

Comedy Round 2!

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Childhood

I've always been quite a free spirit, the idea of being tied to one place or one thing doesn't really thrill me, still I get stuck in the rat race as much as the next person, there are a few things I like to be regular, my money (sigh) and of course my relationship with the most wonderful (and annoying) man, Daniel.

Over the past year or so I've been toying with the idea of moving to London for two reasons, one because there is a lot of opportunity and variety that would suit a personality like mine and two, because my best friend Bob lives down there. Bob or Daniel by his christened name is my absolute best friend in the entire world; I don’t think there’s anyone that quite knows me so well apart from obviously my lovely fiance.

I met Bob when I was very young growing up on Keswick road, it’s a time I remember fondly, a time when the days were warmer and sunnier, they were longer and so much fun. I was about ten years old and I was nearing the end of my Primary School time at Revoe (incidentally I live just round the corner from there now). Before I met Bob I met his brother Matthew, he had recently come to live in Blackpool with his family and was in the year below me.

My earliest memories of them were that I met Matthew one day in the playground out the front of Revoe School and Matthew seems to remember it more than I as apparently I taught him to swear! Matthew swears (forgive the pun) to this day that he remembers me saying ‘Everyone here swears,’ I then looked around to make sure no one could here then I said, ‘Fuck.’ As much as I search my memory for this I can’t recall it but I will certainly not call Matthew a liar as I was slightly mischievous in some respects when I was quite young. Aren’t we all?

It didn't take me long to find out that Matthew had moved in on the street next to mine, Westmorland and that our streets and backs of houses shared the same alleyway. I had returned from some sort of party that afternoon and had gone out in the alley to play wearing the attire from the party. Matthew had been playing out on a bike with one of his friends, Michael who lived a couple of doors down from him and I was taking pictures on a camera my mum and dad had given me which had a small amount of film left in it with which I used the last shots to take pictures of Matthew and Michael. That day I also met Bob for the first time.

I will spare you the details but when I saw Bob I experienced my first ever crush, it was like a whole new world had opened up for me (sorry Bob if you’re reading – which I know you will be – it’s very cringy). From the first day that I saw Bob leaning on that wall to see what his brother was up to, I feel like my childhood had properly started, we spent endless summers together and it was my entire world. The Sandford’s had come to town and I am thankful every day that they did.

Me, Bob, Matthew and of course not forgetting the lovely Christy, they were my adopted family. I am an only child, making my own fun and friends was never a problem for me but I do wonder what life growing up would have been like if it hadn’t been for those three being in it?

 I don’t think I would have experienced so many different worlds and adventures for sure, a few things wouldn’t have happened: I wouldn’t have been part of a world famous group called ‘Spice’ with several number one hits and albums released all around the world; I wouldn’t have gone to Jurassic Park and escaped the loose dinosaurs; Catman and The Riddler would have gotten away with everything; nobody would be alive or have saved the dog in the bathtub after the great Los Angeles earthquake and certainly the world would be in peril every day without its band of saviours The Power Rangers, Purple, Turquoise, Orange and Green.

Even when we grew up and Christy found her friends in high school as did Matthew, Bob had stopped playing out and I had seen my first boyfriend, Bob and I still remained so entirely young and stuck in those endless summer days. We’ve never changed, we still dream of those places, write our stories, draw our pictures and share our hopes and dreams for the future that seems so far away.

That back alley, as dirty, dark and lifeless as it seems now, all gated off, was our neverland and we were the children that never grew up. The girl in the monkey hat and flares and the boy with the curtains haircut and lumberjack shirts will live forever echoing through that place, their laughter still heard if you will only spend a while and listen.