Compromise

I'm not the most mentally stable of minds. I think it has something, in part, to do with my grandma's Bipolar, I suppose there's a possibility that I might have a very mild, watered down version of it but I'll never be sure as I certainly don't want to  be tested for it and even if it turns out that I am, I won't take medication. If the body can't deal with it on its own then I believe you should never take medication, unless in extreme circumstances, like life threatening illness such as Diabetes etc.

I'm quite an emotional person, it really doesn't take much to set me off in a bad mood or a crying fit, but that's rare these days. I tend to notice my flip in moods more than I used to, maybe its just hormones or maybe its more deep seated but it certainly causes problems for me, even though you would never tell unless you were extremely close to me.

Daniel gets the brunt of it the most, because we spend most if not all or our time together. If we get stressed or grumpy from work we tend to bring it home with us and fuel each others fire; whereas I like to come in and do some cleaning before I can relax, Dan likes to comes in and go straight on his DJ decks to let off some steam. We tend to lock heads when we meet in the middle; he wants me to chillout and sit down whereas I want him to help me then relax. Its catch 22 but we work around it because we love each other.

Daniel and I have different views also on what 'relaxation' means. To Daniel, relaxation is spending endless hours mixing and scratching on his 1210's, making quite a bit of noise as I like to put it. I do, however, admit that he is incredibly good at his hobby and he would have no problem getting a job in a top club, which I think would be his dream job; that or working in Ibiza.

To me, relaxation is different, I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. Its chilling out in the bath with candles, incense and a good book, or its having a cuddle with my babies on the bed listening to some chilled out movie soundtracks or the sounds of nature. Relaxation is a nice massage, or a walk down the beach just as the sun it setting. Guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Despite Daniel and I being at complete opposite polar ends it really does seem to work. Daniel is the voice and actions of our relationship, the thought and logic, the protector and the doer. I am the thinker, the love and care, the order and routine, I'm also the organiser, cleaner and bill payer ;)

Every day I'm trying to be a better and more understanding partner for Daniel, I admit his music choice is not my favourite but I do love his skill and passion for what he does and I think he feels the same back about me. I can do things that Daniel can't and he can do things that I can't. I suppose were both as intrigued and proud as the other of our different skills.

I love Daniel more than anything, I've had a string of failed relationships in the past. Jumping from one relationship to the next was not the best thing I've ever done. I wish that I could go back and stop myself and say, 'wait, just wait, he'll be along and he'll be all you ever need.' but then I remind myself that if I hadn't had the past that I did I would never have met him. All those messy series of events were leading right to him and we were the right people for each other at the right time...right? :)

I can see a lovely future for us both and we really don't have to try hard at all, our relationship is as easy as breathing, its perfect and I could never have wished for anyone who loves and cares for me so much. He's my imperfect Mr. Perfect and I love every single flaw. He's my Daniel and I'm his Shelle, and that's the way it will always be <3

Mum

Sundays are a bit of an empty day for myself and Daniel, nothing much really happens apart from going shopping with my mum for an hour or two.

My mum and I rarely see each other apart from Sundays, we've both got pretty busy lives. Mum works two jobs and also runs sequence dancing evenings with her partner during the week, she doesn't ever stop and I'm quite worried about her health.

Before I was born, my mum and dad both worked at Lewis's department store in the town centre (which shut down and became various places over the years, like Woolworths and is now Poundland - says a lot for Blackpool). My dad worked on the audio and electrical department as a salesman with all the latest gadgets, my mum worked across the floor on the shoe department. They were friends before the got together, then eventually the married and had me.

Dad was never really healthy from birth, he'd been born double breach and always walked funny on his left leg. Over time my dad feel ill to Muscular Distrophy and it started to take its toll on his walking. At first he only needed to use a stick, which meant that he had to leave work and claim disability, my mum also left to become his carer. A few years later when I was still quite young, my dad got Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and had to go for treatment.

My mum's always been a very active person and she's had a lot on her plate in the past; even as a child she's had to look after things as my grandma suffered from Bipolar disorder as a child and it really took its toll on the whole family, mostly on my mum and her brother and sister. After she left home and married my dad, Alfred Anthony Williams or 'Tony' as he was better known to everyone, she'd then taken on looking after him during his illness whilst also trying to bring up me.

My mum, Lesley, was the DIYer in the house, the cook, the cleaner and between all this she had to find time to have fun with me. Things haven't really been much easier after my father passed away when I turned eighteen; after I went away to university mum had to swap her part time job for a full time one just so that she could afford to pay the bills. My grandma has only gotten worse over the years so between me (again!), the jobs and caring (yet again) she still had no time to herself.

Things did turn around for the better with her a couple of years after dad passed, she met Dave and he really does look after her the best he can. Dave is older than my mother and although I'm sure he would never let it happen, I'm always worried about her going back into caring yet again...

She lives in a beautiful little bungalow in St Annes, away from the 'horrors' of Blackpool and the shambles of what Keswick road has now become. I walk past my old house every now and then and I always feel so emotional about the whole thing, such a mix of happy and sad memories from that place, I always said if it was for sale again I might have bought it, but who knows.

Mum suffers from RSI in both her wrists and arms, she's had surgery but unfortunately the thing with RSI is that it will only get worse again with use and mum has NEVER been a lazy person, she's incredibly independent and always likes to be doing something. She's now into her fifties and still working just under sixty hours a week, she doesn't want to rely on Dave as it would kill her and really knock her pride but still, every time I see her she's tired and exhausted and I wish there were something more that I could do.

One day when mum has exhausted herself so much and she really can't do anymore, I will be there to offer the care, love and support that she has given so many of us over the years. She has touched so many lives with her beautiful and caring soul that I'm sure any of us would do everything we can for her.

I just want her to know that I love her more than anything and there is nothing that I would do for her.