Mum

Sundays are a bit of an empty day for myself and Daniel, nothing much really happens apart from going shopping with my mum for an hour or two.

My mum and I rarely see each other apart from Sundays, we've both got pretty busy lives. Mum works two jobs and also runs sequence dancing evenings with her partner during the week, she doesn't ever stop and I'm quite worried about her health.

Before I was born, my mum and dad both worked at Lewis's department store in the town centre (which shut down and became various places over the years, like Woolworths and is now Poundland - says a lot for Blackpool). My dad worked on the audio and electrical department as a salesman with all the latest gadgets, my mum worked across the floor on the shoe department. They were friends before the got together, then eventually the married and had me.

Dad was never really healthy from birth, he'd been born double breach and always walked funny on his left leg. Over time my dad feel ill to Muscular Distrophy and it started to take its toll on his walking. At first he only needed to use a stick, which meant that he had to leave work and claim disability, my mum also left to become his carer. A few years later when I was still quite young, my dad got Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and had to go for treatment.

My mum's always been a very active person and she's had a lot on her plate in the past; even as a child she's had to look after things as my grandma suffered from Bipolar disorder as a child and it really took its toll on the whole family, mostly on my mum and her brother and sister. After she left home and married my dad, Alfred Anthony Williams or 'Tony' as he was better known to everyone, she'd then taken on looking after him during his illness whilst also trying to bring up me.

My mum, Lesley, was the DIYer in the house, the cook, the cleaner and between all this she had to find time to have fun with me. Things haven't really been much easier after my father passed away when I turned eighteen; after I went away to university mum had to swap her part time job for a full time one just so that she could afford to pay the bills. My grandma has only gotten worse over the years so between me (again!), the jobs and caring (yet again) she still had no time to herself.

Things did turn around for the better with her a couple of years after dad passed, she met Dave and he really does look after her the best he can. Dave is older than my mother and although I'm sure he would never let it happen, I'm always worried about her going back into caring yet again...

She lives in a beautiful little bungalow in St Annes, away from the 'horrors' of Blackpool and the shambles of what Keswick road has now become. I walk past my old house every now and then and I always feel so emotional about the whole thing, such a mix of happy and sad memories from that place, I always said if it was for sale again I might have bought it, but who knows.

Mum suffers from RSI in both her wrists and arms, she's had surgery but unfortunately the thing with RSI is that it will only get worse again with use and mum has NEVER been a lazy person, she's incredibly independent and always likes to be doing something. She's now into her fifties and still working just under sixty hours a week, she doesn't want to rely on Dave as it would kill her and really knock her pride but still, every time I see her she's tired and exhausted and I wish there were something more that I could do.

One day when mum has exhausted herself so much and she really can't do anymore, I will be there to offer the care, love and support that she has given so many of us over the years. She has touched so many lives with her beautiful and caring soul that I'm sure any of us would do everything we can for her.

I just want her to know that I love her more than anything and there is nothing that I would do for her.

Money

Money. Its not big, its not clever and its certainly not pretty to see people fighting over it.

Today I spent the good part of the morning and afternoon sat at home doing a bit of writing and pretty much just enjoying my home and the company of my two furbabies. I was pretty happy and content right here in my bubble, then I had to go into town, something I don't really like doing on my days off.

So I've come home more out of pocket than I intended to.

Me, Daniel (my fiancee) and two of my closest friends went to Pizza Hut as few days earlier they had come in offering everyone who worked in the town centre 25% off their meals so we thought this was a good idea. The food was alright as far as Pizza is concerned but the bill was quite a bit more than we intended so that wasn't good. We weren't going to argue the toss about it but I don't think we'll  be going back.

The taxi home was the shocker; we were originally going to get the bus but it meant a half an hour wait in the rain and cold so we decided on a C Cabs across the road. We don't live too far from the centre and thought he would be taking us down the promenade which gets us really close. Instead we got the scenic route ¬_______¬

He knew exactly what he was doing, it was a quiet night so he wanted a few extra bob...well, the who ordeal cost us triple what we normally pay.

The thing that bothered me was that neither myself or Daniel, who are both outspoken about things like that, didn't say a word to him, he took a wrong turn onto the wrong side of our street and said something then but we kept quiet about the rest. It annoyed us both immensely once inside but why didn't we say anything? Why were we happy to part with our hard earned cash to someone out for his own ends? Sure, he's probably got to make a living but now I've had enough of taxi companies. I'm buying myself a bus pass and that's one less regular customer to rely on.

Money, money, money, that's all people are interested in these days, it determines their whole life. How much have I got or not got compared to that person? Like its the whole essence of their being...

I hate money but unfortunately I'm stuck with it in the ratrace. I've been at both ends of the scale, I've been in debt without two pennies to rub together, borrowing it here there and everywhere just to get by and now I'm better off and I save because I don't ever want to end up like that again. I'm not tight with my money, I rarely buy anything for myself, I buy quite a bit for Daniel and treat my friends...I don't really need anything. I donate to charity too as I'd rather make someone else's life that much easier.

In the future I'm going to stay away from spending if I have to, its a route, I think, to unhappiness. All I need is a warm place to sleep at night, decent food in my stomach and cuddles from the people I love, which incidentally, are free! Well, just as long as I feed Daniel some cans of Monster and play fetch with my furbabies.

Happiness

I realised last night that I'm a very bad mummy.

I was looking back over my facebook profile trying to trace back the birthdays (well the rough time around when they were born) only to find out that we'd been together longer than I expected. Ville will be six years old in June and Willow will follow him to that aged in December.

I will admit that I was more than a little bit upset. Time really does fly when you're having fun and me, Ville and Willow have had plenty of that! They're still my little babies and it seems to me like they're exactly the same age as they were when they were small. Nothing changes in out hearts. I'm sure we'll still have many many more years together but its just made me realise just how fleeting life really is.

This last year has gone incredibly quickly and it only seems like two minutes ago from the time I was in college. Everything from 2002 right up until now has gone through like a whirlwind and one I don't really remember much of.

When I think back of that time in between, it wasn't really filled with much at all but at the time it seemed like it had everything. Even though it has taught me a lot of lessons and made me a stronger, wiser person I would trade in all those parties and empty days of gaming and nothingness for my fiancee Daniel and my two babies.

I've never been happier than I am now. We make our own destinies and you must push yourself not to get stuck in the mundanity of life, there's a whole world out there with happiness and love that you could be missing out on because you're either to stubborn or too afraid to move from wherever you are.

Change something today, do something different. Call that family member you've fallen out with, apply for that dream job you wanted, move to a different place and escape the ratrace. Just do whatever you can to make yourself happy, because you might not have long left...