Happiness

I realised last night that I'm a very bad mummy.

I was looking back over my facebook profile trying to trace back the birthdays (well the rough time around when they were born) only to find out that we'd been together longer than I expected. Ville will be six years old in June and Willow will follow him to that aged in December.

I will admit that I was more than a little bit upset. Time really does fly when you're having fun and me, Ville and Willow have had plenty of that! They're still my little babies and it seems to me like they're exactly the same age as they were when they were small. Nothing changes in out hearts. I'm sure we'll still have many many more years together but its just made me realise just how fleeting life really is.

This last year has gone incredibly quickly and it only seems like two minutes ago from the time I was in college. Everything from 2002 right up until now has gone through like a whirlwind and one I don't really remember much of.

When I think back of that time in between, it wasn't really filled with much at all but at the time it seemed like it had everything. Even though it has taught me a lot of lessons and made me a stronger, wiser person I would trade in all those parties and empty days of gaming and nothingness for my fiancee Daniel and my two babies.

I've never been happier than I am now. We make our own destinies and you must push yourself not to get stuck in the mundanity of life, there's a whole world out there with happiness and love that you could be missing out on because you're either to stubborn or too afraid to move from wherever you are.

Change something today, do something different. Call that family member you've fallen out with, apply for that dream job you wanted, move to a different place and escape the ratrace. Just do whatever you can to make yourself happy, because you might not have long left...

Support Disabled Animals

Help support disabled animals with a wristband! Only £4.20 with postage and packing to the UK. Very good cause, I will be posting a picture of me wearing mine when it arrives!
Also check out Blacky The Wheelchair Cat on facebook Blacky The Cat he's an inspiration and a little beauty xx

Cats

I've always had a larger connection with animals than humans. To this day I will still swear by the fact that in one of my past lives I must have definitely a cat.

Cats are my favourite animals, thought really I'd prefer to refer to the as equals than animals, as nutty as that sounds - I didn't get the crazy cat lady title for nothing. I've always had an affinity for the them and they seem to respond back when they see me, rarely a cat will dart away when I say 'hello', but when they do I don't take it too personally because there is a lot to be wary of in this world, especially humans.

My love of cats is pretty boundless and I would go as far as saying I much prefer the company of these wonderful creatures to some of the low life unintelligent scum that are clogging up this world. I'm not mad, I do enjoy the company of my friends but whereas before I used to have a huge circle of people I would hang out with, now I have whittled the group down to a mere ten or so of those that really mean something to me, that have stuck by me through thick and thin. Much like a cat, I base my friendships on trust and I've been taken for granted in the past so now I'm more cautious.

So what do I like about cats most? Well I would have to say their unconditional love and intelligence. Despite popular opinion, cats are very loving individuals and capable of incredibly amount of affection and loyalty.

Ville, for instance, my three and a half year old tabby is my absolute baby, my little boy; I found him abandoned by his mother in a garden up in Fleetwood, no one could catch him and the people who owned his mother back then said that if I could catch him I could have him, so I did. Ville would have died otherwise and I really couldn't let that happen. I get an awful terrible aching pain, like my heart is literally shattering and crushing whenever I hear of a cat or kitten being abandoned, not having a home or being ill or mistreated; I'm sure someone once said that I was empathetic.

So anyway, Ville came home with me, for the first two days he hid in the corner behind my computer having only known living in a garden for the first few weeks of his life. I tried to beckon him out with some food and water but he wasn't having any of it, in the end I just left him to make his own way to me. Sure enough the next day I was sat playing Final Fantasy and out of the corner of my eye I saw this tiny little grey bundle of fluff stood there looking up at me, he was just wobbling on the spot with his big eyes wondering where he was and needing reassurance, so I picked him up and gave him a stroke and a kiss and since that day he's never left my side. He drools a lot and his breathing is quite ragged from the time he spent living outside, he also likes to sit down like a human in our arm chairs; Ville might be getting older now but he really is such a big kid at heart, he loves to give me cuddles and play fetch with his squidgy bouncy balls, he really is my special boy.

About half a year or so later, my ex boyfriends mum had gotten a little black kitten to keep her older black cat company, it turned out that she was allergic to the little female kitten and so I decided to take on another bundle of fluff. Willow.

Willow is a completely different story, she's definitely her own cat, unlike Ville who needs to pampered and paid attention to all the time - much like my fiancee Daniel actually. Willow is a very quiet and reserved. When she spent her time at my exes family house, it seems like she spent most of her time trying to get out the way...I didn't really see her much before I took her on but when I did bring her back to the house she was terrified of everything, she wouldn't let anyone touch her and ran away when I so much as moved. I know now having split from my ex the his brothers and sister had not been the quietest and most conscientious of families, the children had had a tendency to be a little destructive and mean at times - as all children can be...I suppose. In short, Willow hadn't been loved correctly since birth.

It has taken me a few years to get Willow to settle, its been much like rehabilitating an adopted child, I had to spend a lot of time helping her be able to trust me. The biggest step was made when me ex and I split up, the house was a lot quieter and I had a lot more time for my babies. Willow had started to come out of her scatty nature, she would approach me and purr in a very adorable squeaky way; I always made a point of talking to her and I found it adorable when she started replying to my 'hello's' with 'eeeyoww' copy.

Nowadays Willow has a basket on the radiator, she absolutely loves the warmth and at night she will jump on the bed and squeak at me until I lift the duvet up and she can get in with me. I usually find myself waking up in the morning with both Ville and Willow cuddled up by my feet or spooning each other.

Ville and Willow weren't always friends, at the beginning when I first brought her home Ville really didn't like her and to this day he still gets very jealous when I give her a kiss and cuddle but now I regularly find them settled together for warmth or running round the house chasing each other. Getting a second cat was such a good idea - much to the dismay of my mother - they are incredibly good company for each other and I do feel that Ville, even though he loves his mummy, needed to have a fellow feline about plus I did Willow a huge favour and I know she's grateful everyday when she climbs on my chest in the evening and curls into the tiniest ball of fluff in the crook of my arm.

Yep, cats are absolutely fantastic in my eyes, I would have a hundred or more if I could! One day when I'm writing, I'll have a big cat sanctuary and I will take in and look after any cat that needs a loving home. I will, like I do now, continue to donate money to charities and make sure I offer as much help as possible. Please check out the Mann Cat Sanctuary in the Isle of Man if you get a chance, I donate monthly with as much as I can (they have a website with live webcams which is something amazing to watch - that's a hell of a lot of cats!).
Ville and Willow have been such a godsend to me, I cannot imagine a day without them. Recently I started writing a series of books based on them; I'm hoping to get these published at some point or another, so if you love cats, animals of every kind, mystery, fantasy and adventure then you will love these. One day when Willow and Ville are gone these books will still be here to immortalise them and let everyone know not only how much I mean to them but how much they mean to me, my little furbabies.

My family.

New year, new start and all that shabang....

Not going to lie, this isn't the first time I've started an online blog and it probably won't be the last. They're probably scattered around the Internet like a series of bad exes waiting to turn up and dig up stuff I've tried hard to forget about - if you find any then let me know so that I can mentally prepare myself before I read them and hang my head in shame (or facepalm, they're probably very facepalm worthy). In fact this is probably going to turn into one of them....I'll find it twenty years or so down the line I wonder as to how much of a tool I was.

ANYWAY! I'm Michelle, or Shelle as most people might know me these days, I haven't been called Michelle since the days of my father back before I turned 18, so its just Shelle, with an e on the end (people often miss that and as much as I shouldn't care it still sometimes irritates - yes petty old me!).

I'm 30 years old but I really don't feel it at all apart from the times I look in the mirror after a hard day and recoil in horror at the black bags under my eyes and the pale ghostly expression, I'm afraid I'm no natural beauty without my makeup but I never kidded myself into that.

I live in the ground floor flat of an old Victorian house with my fiancee Daniel and my two babies Ville and Willow, of course they're not real children but my furbabies mean just the same, only that they're adopted...and cats ;)

I currently work in retail in the town centre but I'll leave my opinions of that for another day as there's way to many and I'll probably need to vent and regale my 'wonderful' tales back to you guys for your hilarity...eugh retail...*shudder*

A couple of nights a week I go to Karate and I'm looking to get as good as possible so that I might go in for tournament, I'm not really interested in coloured belts of winning trophies, its more of a test to myself and I do it mainly because it gives me enormous piece of mind and a sense of humility and respect, whenever I come home I always feel much calmer and my mind at rest.

The main thing that I really want to do with my life is write. I want nothing more to be an author. Again, this is not for money or fame its so that I can achieve something in my life, and that achievement is sharing my stories and imagination with the world. I have lands and people, places and tales all to be told but they're locked up in my head and I need to get them out!

I'm currently working on several novels each aimed at different audiences with different themes. I've got my cat books for children/young adults which are my pride and joy at the moment; my vampire novels for a more adult audience and also my Victorian murder mystery aimed for teenagers and up. So I've got plenty to keep my occupied!

Anyways, there's a brief outline of me and what seems to be a lot of rambling...no one likes to listen to a bighead so I hope I've not come across as one and you keep following my...interesting?...life.