Writing Again

I've got back into my fanfiction writing after being totally submerged in the TV series 'Once Upon A Time' for days! I love Rumplestiltskin and Belle, another OTP to add to my list :)

The Beauty Underneath

Moving Forward

I have a tendency to get pretty depressed sometimes, its no ones fault and I try to keep it at bay the most I can but my problem is that I over think every little thing.

I've got a emotional range the size of the periodic table and my personality and feelings are like a sponge, everything gets absorbed and sits there until the sponge gets thoroughly soaked and I have to squeeze it out.

There's a few things on my mind at the moment, the first thing being the house. I'm doing my best to get these jobs booked in and sorted and we're pretty much halfway there now but the remaining few things are getting increasingly hard to get sorted because of time restraints and bloody workmen never turning up! It's infuriating, it seems like I don't care about my property but I do, I've got loads of money to throw at it but I'm so busy working that I have to book holiday days to get it done.

The second thing is work, I've got my personal review next week and I think there's only so long I can feign enthusiasm for the whole thing to the higher powers. When they ask me what I think the future of my shop is I just want to reply, "Have you seen the state of Blackpool high street? Have you seen how many empty unite or lack of people to sell to there are? Even when we get a customer its like trying to get blood out of a stone with the little amount of money these people have. Personally I give our shop another year to two years before its going to end up empty and changed into another pound or thrift shop." But I can't say that can I? So the appropriate answer will be an absolute load of tripe and trying to pull positive numbers together to support the fact we're doing 'well.'

Thirdly, there's the matter of Daniel and I getting married. Before you jump to conclusions I can safely say we're very much in love as always if not even more than ever which is why the fact that we can't seem to pull things together for the big day is making things more miserable for us. We see everyone moving on with their lives whilst me and Dan are still dreaming, hoping and trying to scrape things together. There's nothing we want more and poor Dan is so frustrated, he's been trying to either get a raise on his money with his current work or find something with more pay but has been unable to do either; he wants desperately to pay for his half of things and he's so proud he would never ask for any help. It just seems sometimes like the only ones who are looking forward to our wonderful day is us. I don't want to sound selfish at all, I love that everyone is starting their lives but we really do deserve a little bit of luck in this department, god knows we're trying, we keep wondering when. When is our turn?

We do have a lot to be thankful for though, we've both got full time jobs, we can afford luxuries like the occasional holiday and meal out, we've got a property we don't have to rent and a minimal amount of bills, we've got two little furbabies that always look forward to seeing us, we're warm and clothed and most of all, the most important thing is that we have each other. I don't know what I would do without him and I know he really needs me more than anything though he'd never let you know unless you got some wine down him.

I just need to stay positive and not let things get to me, our turn will come for the good things that we want, there's no rush, its not like we're going anywhere. However we want to move forward, maybe we should just go for it? Seize the moment and all that. I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess I just need to stop being a worry wart and let things happen.

Disney Princess Hell

I’ve been a fan of Disney probably since before I could talk, let’s face it, Disney is forced down children’s throats from an early age and I don’t think there’s a single person on earth that doesn’t know who Mickey Mouse is.

It’s been several years since Disney made their last ever hand drawn animated feature, The Princess and The Frog featuring Tiana, a strong willed independent ‘princess’ and it’s made me wonder about the future of our Disney princesses and what message they are now trying to convey to the younger generation as opposed to the one they used to.

I grew up on Disney princesses such as Ariel, Belle, Jasmine and Pocahontas from the late eighties up to the late nineties, each with their own wondrous tale of old regaling their love stories with their chosen prince/suitor. I have extremely fond memories of their romances, it took me away from the mundanity of real life into a make believe world where true love existed and it gave me a rosy tinted idea of the world.

Recently, since Disney has moved to computer generated art, I’ve noticed a drastic change in your modern heroine. Disney is trying to push free spirited and strong willed way too hard. Of course I’m not against the fact that girls should be strong independent women and take matters into their own hands but at the same time let’s not make men out to be the bad guys and emasculate them.

One particular part in the movie ‘Tangled’ the story of Rapunzel and her long glowing magic hair, that really irritated me was the fact that at the end of the movie when they go in for the obligatory kiss scene, Rapunzel a skinny little blonde wisp of a thing with twig arms takes Flynn and dips his broad muscly body down and kisses him instead. I don’t know if this is intended as a joke or to be taken seriously but I thought it just ruined the whole thing. Who wants to see a girl desperately clutching at a man trying to suck his face off, come on Rapunzel you did pretty well up to this point (apart from being a plastic indecisive lispy stereotypical blonde – sorry if you’re blonde, she didn’t do you any favours).

In the Disney store there’s Princess Sophie, a young go getting brunette princess with her head screwed on pretty tight and she’s got some important messages to convey. I can’t really remember what they are unless I take a trip to the Disney store but one in particular is something like ‘I can do anything that a prince can’, okay that’s fair enough but you’ve pretty much just made a feminist remark there by having to tell everyone that you can. There is no shame in being a beautiful princess that’s well looked after and gets to marry comfortably one day, isn’t that what we all wanted? After all, all of the Disney princesses got their castles in the end; even Rapunzel that married a lowly peasant still got her castle.

The most recent Disney movie to come out is ‘Frozen’, it’s basically the story of the snow queen re-envisioned to have Elsa, the snow queen, be sisters with Anna and the two of them are saved by the power of love but not love with a man, the sisterly kind of love i.e. sisters before misters. I personally loved Frozen, I thought that the character development was a little weak apart from Olaf but other than that it was visually stunning and heart-warming. The thing that did annoy me though was the fact that they’ve introduced and very adult theme into this movie and I don’t really think it was suitable. Men are conniving liars to get what they want.

So good looking Prince Hans of the Southern Isles plays the love game with Elsa’s sister Anna just so that he can get a shot at the throne, nice. I actually spotted very early on that Anna and Hans didn’t fit together very well and that something was definitely awry but I never thought that Disney would be teaching young girls that the good looking guy that comes to wisk you off your feet is always going to be a bad guy out for his own means. I agree with what Elsa says in this movie, ‘You can’t marry a man you just met’, she very much the first voice of reason that Disney has ever had and I relate to her the most but when I watch a Disney movie I don’t want reality, I want the fantasy.

Frozen addresses the issue of putting your family first, which is very important but children shouldn’t need to be told that. Every teenage girl needs to go through the stage of life when she wants to go out and see a boy more than spending some time with her family, it helps her parents to enforce ground rules and exercise control. If you’re going to spend your younger years being mollycoddled by your family and siblings then you’re going to end up socially inept when it comes to finding a partner and you might even find yourself alone.

There’s a couple of Disney films that I would like to bring up to support my cause that love doesn’t have to be the end of your journey and that’s all you’re going to end up with. My first film will be Pocahontas, this film is very close to my heart, and it addresses quite a few issues very dear to me such as anti-capitalisation and open mindedness.

Most people are aware of the story of Pocahontas; if you’re not then you’ve been living under a rock – just kidding. Pocahontas is the story of the daughter of the chief of an American Indian tribe in America who meets a man called John Smith who has come with crew to make a mark on the ‘New World’ and obviously it’s about their love affair. Pocahontas shows the beauty of communication as well as understanding, two things that are very lacking in this superficial world, whilst trying to open the minds of two very different worlds to each other’s way of life. The love story is pretty much the pivotal thing that is trying to bring everyone together in this movie and I believe it’s one of Disney’s greatest triumphs and taught the children of that era to be more understood and patient. In the end Pocahontas and John Smith don’t end up together, they both separate despite being desperately in love, so that they can spread the word of peace. At the same time keeping her strong will and femininity, Pocahontas represents wisdom which although hard some children to have so young gives them something to aspire to.

My second choice of films is Mulan, the story of a Chinese maiden that takes her injured fathers place in the army disguised as a man so that he can be spared. Love really isn’t a main theme (apart from love for family obviously) here but there is a love story between Mulan and the Captain of the Chinese army, Shang. It’s a story of honour and putting others needs before your own. Mulan isn’t a princess but I’d say she’s a very good role model for young girls, she sets aside settling down with a match because let’s face it she’s a bit of a tomboy and a misfit and she’s just happy being young but she desperately wants to uphold the family’s honour and make her father proud. Her relationship with Captain Shang is unusual, there isn’t the typical development of falling in love, in fact they don’t really seem interested at all in each other until the very end when he comes to seek her out after she’s saved China and awkwardly ‘stays for dinner’. Mulan doesn’t need a man but she ends up with one and they become Yin and Yang together, it’s nice to see Disney trying to show that women can have the strength to fight when needed and that they’re not restricted by the boundaries of sex.

Lastly, there’s Belle from Beauty and The Beast. I liked Belle when I was a little girl, she seemed to be the most like myself, she was intelligent, kind and was always dreaming of something more to her happen in her life i.e. ‘I want so much more than they’ve got planned’. Belle’s nature was supported by her father and I imagine he was very encouraging of her being different but at the same time a little oblivious at to just how much of an outcast she was in the town. The townsfolk, just like society nowadays, shunned anything different to breaking the mould of everyday ‘normal’ life, which was as I imagine having children and settling down. Gaston, the main antagonist in this movie is brilliant, a perfect Disney villain, showing all the horrible characteristics of the chauvinistic male or the ‘carpet carriers’ as I like to call them; there was nothing hidden to Gaston, you won’t supposed to like him at the start, I liked it when Disney made its villains obvious unlike the newer films where you just can’t tell. Belle’s relationship with the Beast, or Prince Adam, is brilliant and very natural, two people that come together through hardship and grow to love each other through patience and opening each other’s eyes, Belle changes him, opens up his eyes and softens his heart and it finally sets him free. Beauty and The Beast is the best example of how a woman can naturally help people with the benefits of her sex, being the virtues or honesty, intelligence, love and understanding. Belle wasn’t a hyperactive giggling, stupid wreck that happened to get lucky in love as it so seems happens to most of the ‘princesses’ these days.

I’ve gone a bit off topic with this but the point is that there was nothing wrong with the old style of Disney Princesses; these films were famous for their romances and fairy tales. Disney need to continue making intelligent free spirited women with common sense but at the same time lets please keep some fantasy and keep real life issues to a minimum, no one wants to see Disney Princess bridled with the woes of wondering if her true love really is true.

Disney, keep your fairy tales and step away from reality!

Love To Love

I guess sometimes people wonder why I like to spend most of my time at home and with my significant other rather than being out socialising and ‘seeing the world’, the fact is so called friends are overrated. I’m not talking about my close friends, the ones I consider to be family like Bob, Christy and Matthew but the ones that really grind on me with their self-righteous view of the world and all that it has to supposedly offer.

I was thinking about this the other day and how I may appear to these ‘friends’, in their eyes I imagine them to see me as a thirty something still trying to hold on to the remains of their twenty something years with no hopes or prospects ahead of me apart from the lifelong trawl of getting married, having children and ending up unhappily married. Well, sorry to disappoint you but sometimes people actually do find their happily ever after because they bloody deserve it and people shouldn’t be so fucking bitter about others happiness because they never found someone willing enough to put up with their vile personality and love them for it.

There. I know it’s probably not the nicest thing to have come out with but unfortunately after years of being used, ground down and quietly nodding and smiling in agreement to absolute and utter bullshit that emanates from these people there’s only so much that you can take without wanting to vent it somewhere. I’m not two faced by any means, quite frankly if I was confronted I would gladly admit my feelings, I’m not the person I used to be, I’ve started cutting all the shit from my life.

I don’t think there’s any point keeping poison in your life when you reach a certain age, all the bitching and whinging gets left behind like it should have done in the school yard, there is absolutely no reason to hold on to people that only make you feel depressed and pretty pained to be around sometimes. The only people I want in my life are the ones that make me happy and that’s Dan and my family.

Since I was about fifteen I’ve been in serious relationships, by no means have I been jumping from one to the next with rose tinted glasses under the pretence that everyone is going to be ‘the one’, in fact every relationship I’ve had has been incredibly difficult but I’ve learned so much from each of these people I have absolutely no regrets. I love being in relationships, I was born to be someone’s significant other and lover, I have romance and love coming from every pore in my body and nothing makes me feel so good as when I’m in my other half’s arms.

Relationship mastery is something left only to the patient and caring, it’s a very dedicated art and takes a lot of perseverance, I can understand why some people are so bad at it and just give up and adhere to the fact that ‘It’s better to be alone’. I think these people are really missing out on how much you get from a commitment as solid as this, you have your best friend and lover at the same time, someone who understands you, doesn’t take you for granted and is always there when you open your eyes in the morning.

Instead of socialising (sorry what’s that? Oh you meant drinking into oblivion – “socialising”), I spent my days going on dates and trips everywhere, filling my life with memories and events (even though some of these men weren’t really worth the time to be honest). At the end of the day, I shook off the friends that didn’t matter and the friends that did persevered and are still here to this day supporting me and loving me for all my odd quirks.

Long story short, I love being in love, it is one of the reasons for my existence, I love being with someone and I’m happy to report that I’ve finally found the one that is going to keep me tied down right until the very end. His name is Daniel and he is my soulmate and this is my life.

I am truly happy.

Forbidden Love Movies

Right, its coming up to Valentine's Day and I am really sick of looking around the Internet for some seriously interesting romantic movies with a bit of depth. When searching I am constantly subjected to the same old tripe over and over again, for example: Titanic, Ghost, Dirty Dancing yadayadayada... well I say bollocks to that crap, here's some movies with a bit of integrity.

Okay, so I have a bit of a mix of period, Gothic, fantasy and modern thrown in here but anyways, here's what I recommend (these are in no particular order):

1. Memoirs of a Geisha - We've got an absolutely stunning setting, fabulous costumes, lots of history and intrigue and also some of the most beautiful Japanese women I have ever seen. Its a very classy movie, no gratuitous shagging here people, just a long and wonderful tale of forbidden romance. If you like a visual feast then this is just what you're looking for, its also not too soppy and has elements to keep the man happy.

2. Moulin Rouge - Yes I am a sucker for my musicals and yes this one is cheesy but that's how its supposed to be, through all the brightness and jolly behaviour during the films its dark undertones, the forbidden love and the final curtain, it is a harrowing tale and Ewan's McGregors tears and acting at the very end is so harrowing it breaks my heart to hear it every time. However, if you can't stand people breaking out into song every two minutes then steer clear.

3. Phantom of The Opera - Another lavish instalment here and by far my personal favourite, it cannot be explained in words just how intoxicating this film is but please just watch it once, if you are a true romantic you will understand why. I still rue to the day she ended up with Raoul....or does she (Love Never Dies is the musical sequel, if you loved this then move on to the second part but just keep a box of Kleenex handy as the ending gets me in buckets every time).

4. The Saint - I stumbled across this movie quite accidentally and I really did overplay it, I cannot get enough of Val Kilmer in this movie. Anyways, it centres around Simon Templar, a thief, he's paid to do a job and steal some notes from a woman and to do so he romances her but then falls in love with her. Some of the most sensual and anticipating scenes I have seen in quite a while - leg quivering business.

5. Entrapment - Same genre (crime/romance) as the previous film, about two thieves that pair up together this time, but who is playing whom? Sean Connery is incredibly sexy in this movie (even though he's grey but who cares it all about the romance), the way he looks at Cathering Zeta Jones will make you melt and the ending is fantastic, I can't recommend this highly enough.

6. Thomas Crown Affair - following on from crime and criminals, exactly the same as previous but some incredibly steamy stuff in here especially the scene in the club *psst no underwear*, the ending to this movie is outstanding just like Entrapment and I did well up quite a bit during this.

7. Stealing Heaven - Apart from its absolutely outstanding soundtrack this movie is a real winner and heavily underrated. Its the story of a forbidden romance between a renaissance teacher and the niece of the nobleman at the home he is residing at. You could cut the atmosphere and sexuality in the air with a knife between these two. Also, its based on a true story and the remains of Abelard and Heloise are buried together in Paris to this day.

8. Dangerous Beauty - A woman becomes a courtesan after she cannot be with the man she loves, he ends up chasing her in the end. I have always had an affinity for movies surrounding courtesans and women of the night and I really like the way our heroine managed to turn this on its heads to her advantage. This is a period set romance and its deliciously sexy!

That's my lot for the moment, I will follow up with more movies when I get a look at my collection.

Dreams

I've not been around much lately, in fact I've had so much on my mind I haven't felt very creative at all, so hence no posts for a while (why on earth did Vernon Dursley come into my mind 'no post on Sunday's' - odd.)

I had some holiday time last week and after a really slow and painful January in retail it was very much needed. I spent part of the holiday tripping down to old London town to see my best friend Bob, we got to go to the Harry Potter Warner Brothers Studio Tour and I could have spent an absolute fortune but I held back and returned with a lovely little Crookshanks fluffy toy of Hermionie's cat to add to my expanding cat collection.

The time away from Blackpool definitely did me the world of good, I returned feeling fresher and in a better mood with Daniel (we live together and see each other so much its nice to get out of each others pockets - I feel like I can be annoying sometimes and whenever I return from a trip he's always overly happy to see me. It's nice to remind yourself that you do miss your other half when you go away). It was also brilliant to see Bob as always, we live so far apart now from living so close once upon a time and we really do cherish the time we have together, however short it may be. We're not as young as we once were and we both get pretty tired trying to keep up with young souls.

Coming back to Blackpool was a real knock in the teeth. There's nothing to keep me here apart from a couple of things: my mum, Dan's family and the odd couple of friends. Thing is, Daniel and I would move straight down to London at the drop of a hat if it weren't for having a mortgaged property, two cats that would panic at the move and probably wouldn't be allowed in a rented property and the fact that it might be hard to find a job. Sometimes I think we might be stuck in Blackpool forever, living the same mundane life with the same mundane jobs. Things is, I'm not miserable, I have Daniel and he's the thing I look forward to at the end of each day and vice versa, I have my two little baby kitties and a really financially comfortable job.

I just feel like sometimes Daniel and I deserve something a bit more exciting, we could easily settle into the trap of marriage then kids then old age like everyone seems to do when they give up their dreams but we want so much more than that. We're both motivated (when the mood strikes), ambitious and have heads full, of crazy and wonderful ideas, I think we just need to start making dreams reality.

I made a little step forward with my dreams, I started writing reviews and articles for AltBlackpool so at least my writing is getting out of there in some form or another, hopefully it will be a nice little feather in my cap come the time I might want to go for something, possibly, in journalism. I've written two pieces so far but hopefully with the more reviews I do, the more doors might start to open for me.

I think that pursuing dreams is a tricky thing, they're something that will come to you in the right moment at exactly the right time. Some people are lucky and they get their chance straight away, others they have to wait a long time and then suddenly it (whatever it may be) appears. I don't think fulfilling your dreams will be an instant gratification sort of thing, more something you have to work at and maintain, for example, I want to be an author more than anything in this world but if I got published I would have to continue to work at it and keep myself motivated so that I can hold on to my dream.

You'll get knocked no matter how hard you try, there will always be someone shaking their head and rolling their eyes thinking 'yeah right, you're stuck in that life you made for yourself' but ignore them, in fact why are you even listening to them in the first place, they're not important. For heavens sake always, always chase your dreams and make sure that one day you don't look back in regret and wish you'd stuck to your guns.

Comedy Round 2!

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Childhood

I've always been quite a free spirit, the idea of being tied to one place or one thing doesn't really thrill me, still I get stuck in the rat race as much as the next person, there are a few things I like to be regular, my money (sigh) and of course my relationship with the most wonderful (and annoying) man, Daniel.

Over the past year or so I've been toying with the idea of moving to London for two reasons, one because there is a lot of opportunity and variety that would suit a personality like mine and two, because my best friend Bob lives down there. Bob or Daniel by his christened name is my absolute best friend in the entire world; I don’t think there’s anyone that quite knows me so well apart from obviously my lovely fiance.

I met Bob when I was very young growing up on Keswick road, it’s a time I remember fondly, a time when the days were warmer and sunnier, they were longer and so much fun. I was about ten years old and I was nearing the end of my Primary School time at Revoe (incidentally I live just round the corner from there now). Before I met Bob I met his brother Matthew, he had recently come to live in Blackpool with his family and was in the year below me.

My earliest memories of them were that I met Matthew one day in the playground out the front of Revoe School and Matthew seems to remember it more than I as apparently I taught him to swear! Matthew swears (forgive the pun) to this day that he remembers me saying ‘Everyone here swears,’ I then looked around to make sure no one could here then I said, ‘Fuck.’ As much as I search my memory for this I can’t recall it but I will certainly not call Matthew a liar as I was slightly mischievous in some respects when I was quite young. Aren’t we all?

It didn't take me long to find out that Matthew had moved in on the street next to mine, Westmorland and that our streets and backs of houses shared the same alleyway. I had returned from some sort of party that afternoon and had gone out in the alley to play wearing the attire from the party. Matthew had been playing out on a bike with one of his friends, Michael who lived a couple of doors down from him and I was taking pictures on a camera my mum and dad had given me which had a small amount of film left in it with which I used the last shots to take pictures of Matthew and Michael. That day I also met Bob for the first time.

I will spare you the details but when I saw Bob I experienced my first ever crush, it was like a whole new world had opened up for me (sorry Bob if you’re reading – which I know you will be – it’s very cringy). From the first day that I saw Bob leaning on that wall to see what his brother was up to, I feel like my childhood had properly started, we spent endless summers together and it was my entire world. The Sandford’s had come to town and I am thankful every day that they did.

Me, Bob, Matthew and of course not forgetting the lovely Christy, they were my adopted family. I am an only child, making my own fun and friends was never a problem for me but I do wonder what life growing up would have been like if it hadn’t been for those three being in it?

 I don’t think I would have experienced so many different worlds and adventures for sure, a few things wouldn’t have happened: I wouldn’t have been part of a world famous group called ‘Spice’ with several number one hits and albums released all around the world; I wouldn’t have gone to Jurassic Park and escaped the loose dinosaurs; Catman and The Riddler would have gotten away with everything; nobody would be alive or have saved the dog in the bathtub after the great Los Angeles earthquake and certainly the world would be in peril every day without its band of saviours The Power Rangers, Purple, Turquoise, Orange and Green.

Even when we grew up and Christy found her friends in high school as did Matthew, Bob had stopped playing out and I had seen my first boyfriend, Bob and I still remained so entirely young and stuck in those endless summer days. We’ve never changed, we still dream of those places, write our stories, draw our pictures and share our hopes and dreams for the future that seems so far away.

That back alley, as dirty, dark and lifeless as it seems now, all gated off, was our neverland and we were the children that never grew up. The girl in the monkey hat and flares and the boy with the curtains haircut and lumberjack shirts will live forever echoing through that place, their laughter still heard if you will only spend a while and listen.

Blackpool - Family or Inebriation

Blackpool has changed a lot over the years, let's face it, the place hasn't done itself any favours centering around drinking based establishments instead of good quality tourist attractions. Instead of evolving from the fun and family orientated place that it used to be, it has instead regressed into a dumping ground for stag and hen nights and pretty much become to Magalluf of England.

I was born in 1983 and back then, Blackpool was still in its golden glory days, or at least that's what it seemed to be. We still had a thriving town centre with department stores such as Lewis', a great shopping centre (the Hounds Hill - which is still there but without the variety and class of shops which it previously had), lots of attractions orientated towards families and to be honest, there was a much nicer atmosphere that surrounded Blackpool compared to now.

I  might be being negative but has anyone else, who's lived here as long or longer than me, noticed that all we have left now are empty shops or pound stores, thrift shops and cash traders, even most of the rock and souvenir shops have disappeared and been replaced with new bars and clubs. At which point did Blackpool loose is morality and self-respect? When did Blackpool forsake family for debauchery.

Drinking has always been here in Blackpool, as a seaside resort it has attracted holiday makers to its once golden and clean sands for many years. These days, the drinking has moved from the privacy of the bars onto the streets. Gone are the days you could walk down the promenade with your family during the evening for a leisurely walk without hassle, nowadays you can hardly walk two steps in the summer evenings without running into a group of half dressed and scantly clad hen parties with their eyes rolling into the back of their heads from intoxication as they stagger across the pavement wearing shoes somewhat akin to hooves. The stag parties aren't any better, these are certainly no gentlemen with their foul mouths, leering eyes and lack of control to keep themselves from getting into a fight at the drop of a hat.

I would not recommend anyone to venture out into the town centre at night unless they had to; the end nearest to the sea front, near the Cenotaph is the worst. Queen street is home to bars such as Walkabout, Roxys, Tapas Bar, The Litten Tree and FY1 to name but a few. Not far from here you have Rumours (now closed for business), Flares and Sanuk. Regularly you will see fights, arguments and domestics happening, accompanied by the usual paraletic souls left to fend for themselves while their 'friends' leave then behind and carry on having a good time. Lovely. This end of town is for the 'clubbers', well, I say clubbers but usually these people just come out to drink themselves into oblivion and sleep with the next person to catch their beer goggled eyes on the dance floor. Also watch out for the 'beggars' sat by the cash machines asking for a spare couple of quid, they all live together shooting up regularly with the money they make from their scam business in the town centre playing on the soft of heart or more likely, inebriated of brain. (click link below to view article)

Queen Street Epicentre of Violent Crime

Going out has become a race to the first shag or most paraletic these days, there's simply no socialising in it. Instead of going out to a pub or bar where you can actually hear the other person speak and properly converse, society is happy to wake up with tinnitus next to someone they met for half an hour last night wondering what happened and later discovering they're pregnant or have a venerial disease or even waking up in a hospital bed after they've had their stomach pumped.

I am no saint at all, I admit, I've fallen prey to the this type of 'socialising' too over the years, I've been out without having any tea, drank as much as possible and ended up in some right states, I'm definitely not proud of this at all. The thing is I've learnt my lesson and I won't go out doing it over and over again until I give myself liver disease whereas most of these people will, and why are they doing this...because Blackpool has removed every other form of entertainment for these people and left only the bars.

There's still attractions that have always been and always will be here, such as Blackpool Tower (please note Jungle Jim's has been reduced in size heavily and there is now no aquarium), the Waxworks (albeit a quarter of the size it was previously and without the chamber of horror or 'royal room' anymore), the Pleasure Beach (no longer free to walk around, now you must pay a base entry fee even before access to rides), The Sandcastle Waterpark (actually has improved with better slides etc. since I was little) and a few others such as: Superbowl, Laserquest, the arcades and the piers. The problem is that these attractions are very overpriced for the content that they now offer so most people give them a miss, and certainly the locals wouldn't choose to spend a day at one of these because they see them everyday.

It's a shame, I love Blackpool but sadly things are only due to get worse instead of better, as long as we continue to concentrate more on making a quick buck than spending the time and investing the money to get Blackpool out of the gutter then we will certainly see more empty shops fronts and visitors throwing up their guts from the watered down cheap booze from the tower lounge.

Blackpool, get your act together, we love you, don't let us locals down.

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L'Histoire D'Shelle

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On a side note, my wristband turned up today. You can get yours too from here: Wrist Band @ Blacky The Wheelchair Cat

Ill

A rainy Saturday morning in Blackpool and here I am suffering with what can only be described as, the flu from Hell. I've been wandering around like the walking dead since I woke up yesterday morning unable to breathe, swallow, speak or concentrate, fan-dabby-dosey!

I haven't been generally ill like this in quite a while actually, there was a time when I pretty much used to get a cold every week but since then I think I've had most of the various strains of the 'common cold' to sink the Titanic twice over again. However, when I do manage to get ill from flu or cold it always seems to be at its absolute and utter extremity and I sometimes find myself wondering, in the stupidest way, is this the one that's going to take me out? Men, you'll be able to relate, you guys and you're dreaded man flu...

No one likes to get ill, you'd have to be completely mad to enjoy this. I think Daniel seems to think I play it up to the max when I get ill so that'll I'll get love and affection but that would be a losing battle, Daniel has the sympathy Gordon Ramsey, none whatsoever. I try and get on with daily routine as much as possible but when your eyes are streaming and you can't stop sniveling and sneezing there's only so much you can do, I would recommend abstaining from any sort of DIY unless you want your house painted resembling something akin to Picasso.

I most likely caught this particular nuisance from being out in town the other night at the NWCC, probably one of the crowd or maybe even the comedians...no, I know exactly who gave it to me, as he was suffering weeks before me, the bloody DJ my fiancee, damn you Daniel.

Daniel gets ill occasionally but he seems to have a better constitution than me in some respects, he suffers badly with his chest and asthma so that's always a problem when it hits him but it doesn't take him long to shift the whole thing, mostly he will sleep it all off whereas my body seems to absorb the whole thing like a sponge.

Anyway, I hate being ill so I'm going to finish this up for now and hunt down a fresh roll of tissue for Niagara falls, my nose :|

I'll post something worth a read when I can think more clearly, til then you'll probably just be reading snivel...I mean, drivel.

'A Day Without Laughter is a Day Wasted.'

It's seven o'clock in Reflections bar on a clear and crisp January evening. There's a mixed air of excitement and high anxiety as the organiser, Alana-Jade, waits in anticipation for the opening night of her brainchild, the North West Comedy Collective, to get underway. The acts are arriving and people are already bravely lining the front seats of the venue wondering what exactly they are in store for this evening.

Long has Blackpool been famous for attracting the best and most well loved comedians over the years. Faces such as Tommy Cooper, Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd and Peter Kay are to name but a few of over 1000 artists that have graced the stages and venues dotted around the town centre. So famed for this scene, there is even a tribute laid out for all to see at the headlands at the foot of Blackpool Tower, the Comedy Carpet.

Over the years there has been a gradual decline in the events and attractions that tourists visit Blackpool to come and see. Gone are the golden days of the deck chair lined promenade with its holiday makers donning their knotted handkerchiefs and partaking in a iconic ninety-nine ice cream or even a leisurely donkey ride. Blackpool has now very much become a town aimed at providing drinking establishments to the younger generation rather than attractions to the families which once littered the Golden Mile and a good laugh seems few and far between these days.

Taking a stand in rejeuvenating the town centre and breaking the mold from the usual quiz and band nights were are used to, Alana-Jade and Reflections bar have teamed up perfectly in the battle for laughter and last night witnessed the grand opening of something fresh and new, something that Blackpool has so desperately needed for so long, something that could get Blackpool back on the map in the right way.

On arrival it was hard to tell just how the night was going to go ahead, there were already people in the venue armed with drinks and Alana could be seen hosting and preparing all over the venue in an excited flurry. By the time eight o'clock had arrived, the venue was full to capacity and there were still people hoping to get in. Behind the bar the drinks were flowing and the crowds were now waiting for their first acts with high hopes of leaving a few hours later with aching sides from a highly entertaining evening.

It's safe to say that for an incredibly reasonable £2 entry that night, the North West Comedy Collective certainly delivered the high expectations which had surrounded it since its review in The Gazette. Of course there will always be people that will leave to slip back into the regularity and familiarity of their usual routine of socialising, not many people have the patience and ability to sit and watch a variety of different artists with varying degrees of humour. However those who remained for the entirety of the whole evening were very much rewarded for doing so.

The acts that evening included artists from as close as our own home town Blackpool, Rob 'Del Terror' and Matthew Davenport, and as far as Australia with the headlining act Angus Little, son of famous Mark Little.

Also to grace the very cosy and atmospheric little venue were, Jack Shanik whose style has been described as 'measured daftness and sophisticated fifth', former anarchist and award winning  comedy veteran Roland Gent, Meir Clarence Frank with his 'distinct world view and honest philosophy' and not forgetting Neil Shawcross, Barry Meaden, Dan Barnes, and of course Paul Warburton all with their own very unique and side busting styles.

Alana hosted easily between acts, keeping the crowd psyched and ready to receive their artists and by the time headliner Angus Little was ready to take Blackpool by storm the crowds were eagerly waiting for the pinnacle of the evening to make their night go out with a bang.

Angus delivered everything and more than was promised, the crowd truly felt included and part of the show with his audience interaction and quick responses to the heckles he received as if it were absolute second nature. There were tears of laughter streaming from red raw faces as he owned the venue with his incredibly natural talent to procure a laugh from even the most hard faced characters.

It was an absolute joy to witness the start of something that Blackpool has been desperately needing for a long time now and the North West Comedy Collective are not going to be stopping there. Every Thursday at 8pm, Reflections will now host new and upcoming artists making their appearances on the scene. You can guarantee an evening of quality and excellence from its organiser, Alana, and reasonably priced drinks to boot!

Congratulations to Alana for this brilliant endeavour, a special thanks also goes Alison and Roy for being the delightful hosts of this venue, DJ Daniel 'Horrors' Horrobin for the sound and PA and of course, to the artists without whom there would not have been such a successful night.

We hope to see more from the North West Comedy Collective in the future and if you haven't already been get yourselves down to next week's performance, you will not be disappointed.

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Reflections, 131 Church Street, Blackpool, Cafe by day, Bar by night. English food served 12pm-6pm, Caribbean food served 12pm-10pm.

Troglodytes

To be quite honest, there's really no excuse in the world for not bathing. It bewilders me every time some odorous soul comes into the store and buys a bag full of chocolate, would it not be better to save that odd pound or two for a bar of soap and some washing powder for your clothes? Bizarre.

I admit that I will have the odd day when I cant be bothered but doesn't everyone? One of those 'I need a shower but I'll do it when I get back home from work.' But even so I will get in to work and spend the rest of the day being paranoid and wishing that I'd made the effort in this first place, one because its embarrassing and two because no one likes a 'smelly' person that looks like they've just fallen out of bed.

The people that I am referring to in the first place are what I like to call 'troglodytes', I'm sorry to sound harsh but you'll probably agree with me when I explain the type, you might even recognise some of the same characteristics from the people in your own home town because believe me, they are absolutely everywhere.

They usually dress in the same manner; the woman go as follows: their hair is usually long and greasy maybe even greying and always scraped back in a high ponytail, sometimes donning a hat. Their mouth is full of half rotten teeth and their skin pock marked with spots and no make up. The attire consists of jeans which must have been tight for the past few decades or sometimes a pleated skirt with no tights but socks and  dilapidated trainers. Usually found pulling along a shopper bag or some sort of animal themed bag to match their animal, dog or cat, themed fleece. The men usually like to sport a nice beanie hat not correctly pulled down onto their head so that it resembles an unrolled condom; they don't usually shave or if they do they instead you can find wisps of light hair under their chins. They like to sport t shirts usually given away with different things, like on cereal boxes or if you buy so many beers, the type of t shirts that people give to charity shops and no one ever buy so some poor child in India ends up advertising Guinness.

And let's not forget that these people, always always, smell.

It's hard to place what it actually resembles, but I would say that the closest I can get is a cheese from about 1986. It's basically just sweat on top of sweat on top of sweat. The clothes are never washed so even if they do have a bath they would just come out and get in to the same dirty clothes. It's a vicious cycle of filth.

I sometimes wonder what these people's homes are like. Are their bathrooms covered in cobwebs and cleaning products since before the millennium? Do they have overflowing washing baskets of crusty socks and underwear? Have their washing machines ever been used or do they even have one at all? You must believe me when I say that I do realise some people aren't well off enough to have the means to do their own home washing and need to visit the launderette's, but even so isn't this easier, having someone else sort it out while you disappear off round town?

I can think of nothing more lovely and satisfying that having a nice long soak in the bath, using all my lovely smelling products and then getting into some nice freshly laundered clean clothes. You feel like a million dollars! Why wouldn't anyone want to feel like that? At what point did these people stop looking in the mirror or realising that they absolutely reek! Do they get up in the morning, throw on the same old things and decide on a day of sloth and waste walking around town stinking out shops and spending money they probably don't even have.

I've been working retail for fifteen years and these people are still rife, its a terrible thing but when I was working at Musiczone I didn't used to stand for it, I would walk around with a can of spray following said people and commenting 'get a bath,' or 'what a stink', I feel bad about it now, who knows what situation they were in back then but doesn't someone need to say it? Maybe those people went home that night and thought 'actually, she's right.'
Unless you have some sort of medical disorder there is no excuse for smelling, not a single one. You can be as poor as anything but I'm sure someone would be gracious enough to give you a bar of soap or give you a hand washing your things.

I guess now you know, I'm not a fan of foul odors.

Changes

I've always had very strange dreams as long as I can remember, I used to write them down and decode them as best as I could but then I lost track of the whole thing and forgot about it, as is the way of me.

Last night I had a particularly odd one; I was back at Keswick road and a black and white cat got into our house, I'm presuming that this was my first cat Twinkle as it was very fluffy as it slunk off. My mother was telling me that Daniel had come by early to start cleaning and she was impressed, I found him out in the back garden doing something and asked him a question to which he pretty much told me to go away (in kinder words). Not much really happened after that, though the dream was very drawn out and mostly i remember my house and my old room with the sun trying to shine through the thick red velvet curtains.
I have absolutely no explanation for this at all, I often dream about Keswick road, I suppose its been ingrained on my memory as a place of happiness. On the other hand sometimes I dream about my Grandmother's house, my father's mother 'Edna', those ones aren't usually that nice because of certain things, but they're best left to another time.

I suppose I dream the most when I'm stressed or ill and right now that's no exception, I woke up with a runny nose and a sore throat caught from Daniel. It was probably my body saying 'hey you're not feeling great so I'm going to manifest in your unconscious while you dream and really confuse you!'. Well illness and brain, it worked.

Its raining in Blackpool today, there's not many people about as usual and more shops in the town centre are closing down, there's a few up our street that have gone or are going out of business, so Victoria street really is a prime location at the moment, not. This whole place is getting so dead end and there's so many horrible things happening close to the area that I live that I'm starting to become afraid to go out.

Every week you will hear of some new horror in the Gazette, whether its an elderly man being beaten and mugged, a young man being murdered, a mentally disabled woman being kidnapped and tortured or something else, its like something out of crime movie or novel, I feel like I'm living in the hood! What has happened to you Blackpool?

When I was growing up things were so much better, I know that everyone says that but they were; sure you still had the homeless and the alcoholics knocking about around Central drive and Ibbison court but they were just drunks and homeless, they didn't cause any problems. Blackpool was still rowdy around the bars and pubs but I suppose back then people reconciled their differences whereas now they're quite happy to punch someone's teeth out, for example a man did it to a girl I know quite recently...a man punched a woman's teeth out...

There were no gates sectioning off our alleyways, people were on good speaking terms with their neighbours, you could leave your door unlocked and let your kids play on the street without fear, kids were happy being outside and playing with their friends instead of hiding inside their rooms being 'sociable' on the internet (yes I know that's a little hypocritical from me). The streets were cleaner, people looked after their homes, everyone pretty much had a job and neighbourhood's were safe. I miss the late eighties right up to the year 2000, I think that's when things started to change.

I think it all comes down to the same thing again which I've mentioned before, money, but you've had my opinion on that. I don't think people care anymore, we've become a numb society and unfeeling towards our fellow man, we only look out for number one now because that's how we've been brainwashed to think by everything around us. Who's piece of technology is better than the others? Who's got a better house, car, more money? Where are you going next on holiday, how much are you spending on clothes and grooming this week? It's all me, me, me. 

If people were to spend more of their money on helping others i.e. donating etc. and building up their communities we might get back to the way things were. Society has become incredibly selfish. How many times have you walked past that charity worker asking you to help his cause, or how many times have you ignored that Big Issue seller trying to make enough money to support his rehabilitation into society for the sake of holding on to your precious £2. How many times have you hardened up or switched channels when those animals or children appear pleading for help. We just ignore everything around up and wrap ourselves up in the comfortable warm bubble that is 'me'.

When I was young, my mother always made a point of giving me pennies or silver to put in the charity pots and buckets of the people who were raising awareness around town, she would let me give money to buskers and the homeless because we didn't need that money and it could help someone else. What people don't realise is that money regenerates all the time and to be honest, what is money? A few bits of metal and paper, how can it be so precious? Why do we spend our whole lives chasing money instead of trying to make every moment our happiest?

I don't understand this world anymore, I don't have any connection with most of the population, my heart is too big for this place. I have a few friends that share my views on this, they're close friends like my best friend Bob, who I've known since I was about ten or eleven and they understand the person that I am. I've only got a very small close circle of friends now, the posers and the wannabe's have disappeared over the years and for that I'm pretty glad as they never really wanted to know me, they just liked my ideas and me opening their minds for a little while but then they shrank back into conformity and joined the herd.

I hope one day that the world will learn the error of their ways and join my crusade of care and love but til then I will carry on trying to change things by one caring act at a time.

The Story of Us

The story of how Daniel and I got together is a strange one but I guess the best stories are never straightforward.

I'd been in a long unfruitful relationship for a few years, in fact its probably the worst relationship that I've ever experienced. Through one fault or another the whole thing hadn't been working since day one and I don't know why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe it was because I felt sorry for him, coming from not the best background and being a victim of circumstance to this fact. However it does not condone the fact that for the entirity of our relationship he didn't have and job and continued to squeeze every last bit of patience and care I had to give.

Towards the end of the relationship all I felt for X was repulsion, disgust and resentment, I feel bad now for letting myself continue in that relationship with those feelings as it was fair on neither one of us. I had pretty lost all feeling and become despondent to life, having struggled through each day on bare minimum of money, each evening I would come home and sit at my computer, letting myself become emerged in Anime fandoms and speaking with similar minded people.

It was October 2011 when I discovered my first Anime obsessions, Black Butler or Kuroshitsuji and became interested in the concept of Cosplay. I'd always been fond of making costumes and dressing up ever since I was small so this was second nature to me. One of my friends who I knew liked Anime started talking to me again over the internet and we became close again speaking about our very similar interests. This friend was Daniel.
Like me, Daniel had had some trouble with past relationships and had moved away to Stoke On Trent to work at a job with a former wrestler called Kendo Nagasaki. He was right out in the middle of nowhere and didn't really speak to anyone from his home town anymore apart from myself. In the past I had met Daniel when he'd come round for one of my birthdays, we'd got on instantly but he was a much different person back then. We'd been friends for four years on and off.

I'd told Daniel that there was a convention in Manchester called Doki Doki that I wanted to attend and he said that he'd love to come. The day before the convention Daniel headed down to Blackpool and stayed over at my house the night before, we had a good laugh and pretty much ignored X and his whinging and moaning about Daniel (who he'd never liked), he really didn't like me having fun it seemed.

The next day we were up early getting into our costumes, Daniel had decided against the first character of the series he'd chosen and decided to go for another, the counterpart and partner of the character I was playing. We still have the videos of the convention to this day and its really interesting to see just how different we were. We went to the evening do in the club Zoo and got quite drunk, we even got followed back to the hotel we were staying in by some martial arts guys that were looking for a good time but we just went into the hotel and forgot they even existed.

I don't remember fancying Daniel or him me at all whilst we were friends, when I think back there were a couple of times when I think the spark was there but nothing was done about it or we were still so confused and a mess we didn't see it until later; one time was when I was drawing his eyebrows on and we looked at each other for a moment, one of those moments where you pause just before a kiss, apart from there was no kiss.

After the convention the next time that I saw Daniel was over the Christmas period, I was having a few gender confusing issues, as a result of cosplaying one of my favourite characters I had started dressing like a boy and even thinking how much easier it would have been as a boy, I went out a few times in drag and didn't even think anything of it, something that Daniel had also done in the past. Daniel had struck women off after a particularly bad relationship and had done the same thing as me, he'd thought life would be easier as a woman, but it wasn't.

On Christmas eve, Daniel invited me and X round to his parents hotel and I met his brother, Liam, and his family for the first time very vaguely. The three of us went out of the town and me and Daniel had a lot of fun but X was miserable as usual, it was a good night. Daniel would regularly come into my shop and chat with me about how things were going, meaning with X and would regularly also tell me that I would be better getting shut, an idea shared by all of my family and friends. I wish I had listened but it would not be long until I was free.
New years eve 2011 came and X had decided to go to a party in Fleetwood while I stayed at home and had invited some of my best friends round for a Cosplay house party. It was the best idea ever! We had a brilliant night and got very drunk, the next day I ended up waking next to Daniel in my four poster bed, both of us still in cosplay and very hungover, nothing had happened but now thinking back, its funny and maybe even destiny that he was the first person I woke up next to on the start of that new year.

A few days later X wanted to speak to me and admitted sleeping with someone else on New Years eve...Its horrible to say but I was absolutely relieved, I now had a reason to break off the floundering and pathetic relationship and set us both free. I called Daniel and he was happy for me, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. X moved out shortly after than and I started my new life.

On January 21st 2012 I arrived in Chester ready for the Thorntons charity NSPCC ball, I spent a few hours wandering around the shops before I went to the station to wait for my partner I was going with, Daniel. As soon as I saw him I knew that I felt different, we'd shared so much and become so close over the past few months I was hoping that maybe he trusted me enough to give women another shot, after all I wasn't your typical girl anyway.

That evening, after an incredibly successful night, Daniel was such a big hit with everyone, we shared our first kiss under the moonlight in the garden out the back of the Queens Hotel, it was perfect and the first of many. It took us some time to actually admit that we had strong feelings for each other and were going to attempt to trust each other with our fragile hearts and minds, it was then, around the first week of February we made it official and Daniel started coming down every weekend.

Every weekend was wonderful and it hurt so much to say goodbye to each other as he got on the train and disappeared back miles away from me. We would Skype to each other and speak on the phone for endless hours, sometimes I would even fall asleep listening to him talking. We tried so hard to keep the long distance going but it was becoming more difficult and eventually, much to my reluctance as he had such a good job, he returned to Blackpool to be with me. On 21st July 2012, Daniel took me back to the Queen Hotel in Chester where we'd shared our first kiss, he proposed to me in that very same garden.

I will never forget the sacrifice he made to give it all up just to be with me and I must continue to remind myself every day of that sacrifice so that I can scare away the jealousy and keep back the horrible trust issues that have been ingrained into me from years of people going behind my back. I owe Daniel so much, I really like the person that I am today and I wouldn't change a thing about him, he's really helped me get out of a dark hole and god knows that I've helped pull him out of a cavernous one of his own.

We were both broken pieces of humans, not fully whole until we got together and then day by day we exchanged the pieces of our minds and souls to fill the gaps of the other and like some wonderful jigsaw puzzle we were mended. Our pieces are held together with love, respect, trust, adoration, patience and need. He will always be part of me and I of him. We are what I believed in but never found, soulmates.