Moving Forward

I have a tendency to get pretty depressed sometimes, its no ones fault and I try to keep it at bay the most I can but my problem is that I over think every little thing.

I've got a emotional range the size of the periodic table and my personality and feelings are like a sponge, everything gets absorbed and sits there until the sponge gets thoroughly soaked and I have to squeeze it out.

There's a few things on my mind at the moment, the first thing being the house. I'm doing my best to get these jobs booked in and sorted and we're pretty much halfway there now but the remaining few things are getting increasingly hard to get sorted because of time restraints and bloody workmen never turning up! It's infuriating, it seems like I don't care about my property but I do, I've got loads of money to throw at it but I'm so busy working that I have to book holiday days to get it done.

The second thing is work, I've got my personal review next week and I think there's only so long I can feign enthusiasm for the whole thing to the higher powers. When they ask me what I think the future of my shop is I just want to reply, "Have you seen the state of Blackpool high street? Have you seen how many empty unite or lack of people to sell to there are? Even when we get a customer its like trying to get blood out of a stone with the little amount of money these people have. Personally I give our shop another year to two years before its going to end up empty and changed into another pound or thrift shop." But I can't say that can I? So the appropriate answer will be an absolute load of tripe and trying to pull positive numbers together to support the fact we're doing 'well.'

Thirdly, there's the matter of Daniel and I getting married. Before you jump to conclusions I can safely say we're very much in love as always if not even more than ever which is why the fact that we can't seem to pull things together for the big day is making things more miserable for us. We see everyone moving on with their lives whilst me and Dan are still dreaming, hoping and trying to scrape things together. There's nothing we want more and poor Dan is so frustrated, he's been trying to either get a raise on his money with his current work or find something with more pay but has been unable to do either; he wants desperately to pay for his half of things and he's so proud he would never ask for any help. It just seems sometimes like the only ones who are looking forward to our wonderful day is us. I don't want to sound selfish at all, I love that everyone is starting their lives but we really do deserve a little bit of luck in this department, god knows we're trying, we keep wondering when. When is our turn?

We do have a lot to be thankful for though, we've both got full time jobs, we can afford luxuries like the occasional holiday and meal out, we've got a property we don't have to rent and a minimal amount of bills, we've got two little furbabies that always look forward to seeing us, we're warm and clothed and most of all, the most important thing is that we have each other. I don't know what I would do without him and I know he really needs me more than anything though he'd never let you know unless you got some wine down him.

I just need to stay positive and not let things get to me, our turn will come for the good things that we want, there's no rush, its not like we're going anywhere. However we want to move forward, maybe we should just go for it? Seize the moment and all that. I don't know where I'm going with this, I guess I just need to stop being a worry wart and let things happen.