Childhood

I've always been quite a free spirit, the idea of being tied to one place or one thing doesn't really thrill me, still I get stuck in the rat race as much as the next person, there are a few things I like to be regular, my money (sigh) and of course my relationship with the most wonderful (and annoying) man, Daniel.

Over the past year or so I've been toying with the idea of moving to London for two reasons, one because there is a lot of opportunity and variety that would suit a personality like mine and two, because my best friend Bob lives down there. Bob or Daniel by his christened name is my absolute best friend in the entire world; I don’t think there’s anyone that quite knows me so well apart from obviously my lovely fiance.

I met Bob when I was very young growing up on Keswick road, it’s a time I remember fondly, a time when the days were warmer and sunnier, they were longer and so much fun. I was about ten years old and I was nearing the end of my Primary School time at Revoe (incidentally I live just round the corner from there now). Before I met Bob I met his brother Matthew, he had recently come to live in Blackpool with his family and was in the year below me.

My earliest memories of them were that I met Matthew one day in the playground out the front of Revoe School and Matthew seems to remember it more than I as apparently I taught him to swear! Matthew swears (forgive the pun) to this day that he remembers me saying ‘Everyone here swears,’ I then looked around to make sure no one could here then I said, ‘Fuck.’ As much as I search my memory for this I can’t recall it but I will certainly not call Matthew a liar as I was slightly mischievous in some respects when I was quite young. Aren’t we all?

It didn't take me long to find out that Matthew had moved in on the street next to mine, Westmorland and that our streets and backs of houses shared the same alleyway. I had returned from some sort of party that afternoon and had gone out in the alley to play wearing the attire from the party. Matthew had been playing out on a bike with one of his friends, Michael who lived a couple of doors down from him and I was taking pictures on a camera my mum and dad had given me which had a small amount of film left in it with which I used the last shots to take pictures of Matthew and Michael. That day I also met Bob for the first time.

I will spare you the details but when I saw Bob I experienced my first ever crush, it was like a whole new world had opened up for me (sorry Bob if you’re reading – which I know you will be – it’s very cringy). From the first day that I saw Bob leaning on that wall to see what his brother was up to, I feel like my childhood had properly started, we spent endless summers together and it was my entire world. The Sandford’s had come to town and I am thankful every day that they did.

Me, Bob, Matthew and of course not forgetting the lovely Christy, they were my adopted family. I am an only child, making my own fun and friends was never a problem for me but I do wonder what life growing up would have been like if it hadn’t been for those three being in it?

 I don’t think I would have experienced so many different worlds and adventures for sure, a few things wouldn’t have happened: I wouldn’t have been part of a world famous group called ‘Spice’ with several number one hits and albums released all around the world; I wouldn’t have gone to Jurassic Park and escaped the loose dinosaurs; Catman and The Riddler would have gotten away with everything; nobody would be alive or have saved the dog in the bathtub after the great Los Angeles earthquake and certainly the world would be in peril every day without its band of saviours The Power Rangers, Purple, Turquoise, Orange and Green.

Even when we grew up and Christy found her friends in high school as did Matthew, Bob had stopped playing out and I had seen my first boyfriend, Bob and I still remained so entirely young and stuck in those endless summer days. We’ve never changed, we still dream of those places, write our stories, draw our pictures and share our hopes and dreams for the future that seems so far away.

That back alley, as dirty, dark and lifeless as it seems now, all gated off, was our neverland and we were the children that never grew up. The girl in the monkey hat and flares and the boy with the curtains haircut and lumberjack shirts will live forever echoing through that place, their laughter still heard if you will only spend a while and listen.

Blackpool - Family or Inebriation

Blackpool has changed a lot over the years, let's face it, the place hasn't done itself any favours centering around drinking based establishments instead of good quality tourist attractions. Instead of evolving from the fun and family orientated place that it used to be, it has instead regressed into a dumping ground for stag and hen nights and pretty much become to Magalluf of England.

I was born in 1983 and back then, Blackpool was still in its golden glory days, or at least that's what it seemed to be. We still had a thriving town centre with department stores such as Lewis', a great shopping centre (the Hounds Hill - which is still there but without the variety and class of shops which it previously had), lots of attractions orientated towards families and to be honest, there was a much nicer atmosphere that surrounded Blackpool compared to now.

I  might be being negative but has anyone else, who's lived here as long or longer than me, noticed that all we have left now are empty shops or pound stores, thrift shops and cash traders, even most of the rock and souvenir shops have disappeared and been replaced with new bars and clubs. At which point did Blackpool loose is morality and self-respect? When did Blackpool forsake family for debauchery.

Drinking has always been here in Blackpool, as a seaside resort it has attracted holiday makers to its once golden and clean sands for many years. These days, the drinking has moved from the privacy of the bars onto the streets. Gone are the days you could walk down the promenade with your family during the evening for a leisurely walk without hassle, nowadays you can hardly walk two steps in the summer evenings without running into a group of half dressed and scantly clad hen parties with their eyes rolling into the back of their heads from intoxication as they stagger across the pavement wearing shoes somewhat akin to hooves. The stag parties aren't any better, these are certainly no gentlemen with their foul mouths, leering eyes and lack of control to keep themselves from getting into a fight at the drop of a hat.

I would not recommend anyone to venture out into the town centre at night unless they had to; the end nearest to the sea front, near the Cenotaph is the worst. Queen street is home to bars such as Walkabout, Roxys, Tapas Bar, The Litten Tree and FY1 to name but a few. Not far from here you have Rumours (now closed for business), Flares and Sanuk. Regularly you will see fights, arguments and domestics happening, accompanied by the usual paraletic souls left to fend for themselves while their 'friends' leave then behind and carry on having a good time. Lovely. This end of town is for the 'clubbers', well, I say clubbers but usually these people just come out to drink themselves into oblivion and sleep with the next person to catch their beer goggled eyes on the dance floor. Also watch out for the 'beggars' sat by the cash machines asking for a spare couple of quid, they all live together shooting up regularly with the money they make from their scam business in the town centre playing on the soft of heart or more likely, inebriated of brain. (click link below to view article)

Queen Street Epicentre of Violent Crime

Going out has become a race to the first shag or most paraletic these days, there's simply no socialising in it. Instead of going out to a pub or bar where you can actually hear the other person speak and properly converse, society is happy to wake up with tinnitus next to someone they met for half an hour last night wondering what happened and later discovering they're pregnant or have a venerial disease or even waking up in a hospital bed after they've had their stomach pumped.

I am no saint at all, I admit, I've fallen prey to the this type of 'socialising' too over the years, I've been out without having any tea, drank as much as possible and ended up in some right states, I'm definitely not proud of this at all. The thing is I've learnt my lesson and I won't go out doing it over and over again until I give myself liver disease whereas most of these people will, and why are they doing this...because Blackpool has removed every other form of entertainment for these people and left only the bars.

There's still attractions that have always been and always will be here, such as Blackpool Tower (please note Jungle Jim's has been reduced in size heavily and there is now no aquarium), the Waxworks (albeit a quarter of the size it was previously and without the chamber of horror or 'royal room' anymore), the Pleasure Beach (no longer free to walk around, now you must pay a base entry fee even before access to rides), The Sandcastle Waterpark (actually has improved with better slides etc. since I was little) and a few others such as: Superbowl, Laserquest, the arcades and the piers. The problem is that these attractions are very overpriced for the content that they now offer so most people give them a miss, and certainly the locals wouldn't choose to spend a day at one of these because they see them everyday.

It's a shame, I love Blackpool but sadly things are only due to get worse instead of better, as long as we continue to concentrate more on making a quick buck than spending the time and investing the money to get Blackpool out of the gutter then we will certainly see more empty shops fronts and visitors throwing up their guts from the watered down cheap booze from the tower lounge.

Blackpool, get your act together, we love you, don't let us locals down.

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L'Histoire D'Shelle

Supporting

On a side note, my wristband turned up today. You can get yours too from here: Wrist Band @ Blacky The Wheelchair Cat

Ill

A rainy Saturday morning in Blackpool and here I am suffering with what can only be described as, the flu from Hell. I've been wandering around like the walking dead since I woke up yesterday morning unable to breathe, swallow, speak or concentrate, fan-dabby-dosey!

I haven't been generally ill like this in quite a while actually, there was a time when I pretty much used to get a cold every week but since then I think I've had most of the various strains of the 'common cold' to sink the Titanic twice over again. However, when I do manage to get ill from flu or cold it always seems to be at its absolute and utter extremity and I sometimes find myself wondering, in the stupidest way, is this the one that's going to take me out? Men, you'll be able to relate, you guys and you're dreaded man flu...

No one likes to get ill, you'd have to be completely mad to enjoy this. I think Daniel seems to think I play it up to the max when I get ill so that'll I'll get love and affection but that would be a losing battle, Daniel has the sympathy Gordon Ramsey, none whatsoever. I try and get on with daily routine as much as possible but when your eyes are streaming and you can't stop sniveling and sneezing there's only so much you can do, I would recommend abstaining from any sort of DIY unless you want your house painted resembling something akin to Picasso.

I most likely caught this particular nuisance from being out in town the other night at the NWCC, probably one of the crowd or maybe even the comedians...no, I know exactly who gave it to me, as he was suffering weeks before me, the bloody DJ my fiancee, damn you Daniel.

Daniel gets ill occasionally but he seems to have a better constitution than me in some respects, he suffers badly with his chest and asthma so that's always a problem when it hits him but it doesn't take him long to shift the whole thing, mostly he will sleep it all off whereas my body seems to absorb the whole thing like a sponge.

Anyway, I hate being ill so I'm going to finish this up for now and hunt down a fresh roll of tissue for Niagara falls, my nose :|

I'll post something worth a read when I can think more clearly, til then you'll probably just be reading snivel...I mean, drivel.

'A Day Without Laughter is a Day Wasted.'

It's seven o'clock in Reflections bar on a clear and crisp January evening. There's a mixed air of excitement and high anxiety as the organiser, Alana-Jade, waits in anticipation for the opening night of her brainchild, the North West Comedy Collective, to get underway. The acts are arriving and people are already bravely lining the front seats of the venue wondering what exactly they are in store for this evening.

Long has Blackpool been famous for attracting the best and most well loved comedians over the years. Faces such as Tommy Cooper, Morecambe and Wise, Ken Dodd and Peter Kay are to name but a few of over 1000 artists that have graced the stages and venues dotted around the town centre. So famed for this scene, there is even a tribute laid out for all to see at the headlands at the foot of Blackpool Tower, the Comedy Carpet.

Over the years there has been a gradual decline in the events and attractions that tourists visit Blackpool to come and see. Gone are the golden days of the deck chair lined promenade with its holiday makers donning their knotted handkerchiefs and partaking in a iconic ninety-nine ice cream or even a leisurely donkey ride. Blackpool has now very much become a town aimed at providing drinking establishments to the younger generation rather than attractions to the families which once littered the Golden Mile and a good laugh seems few and far between these days.

Taking a stand in rejeuvenating the town centre and breaking the mold from the usual quiz and band nights were are used to, Alana-Jade and Reflections bar have teamed up perfectly in the battle for laughter and last night witnessed the grand opening of something fresh and new, something that Blackpool has so desperately needed for so long, something that could get Blackpool back on the map in the right way.

On arrival it was hard to tell just how the night was going to go ahead, there were already people in the venue armed with drinks and Alana could be seen hosting and preparing all over the venue in an excited flurry. By the time eight o'clock had arrived, the venue was full to capacity and there were still people hoping to get in. Behind the bar the drinks were flowing and the crowds were now waiting for their first acts with high hopes of leaving a few hours later with aching sides from a highly entertaining evening.

It's safe to say that for an incredibly reasonable £2 entry that night, the North West Comedy Collective certainly delivered the high expectations which had surrounded it since its review in The Gazette. Of course there will always be people that will leave to slip back into the regularity and familiarity of their usual routine of socialising, not many people have the patience and ability to sit and watch a variety of different artists with varying degrees of humour. However those who remained for the entirety of the whole evening were very much rewarded for doing so.

The acts that evening included artists from as close as our own home town Blackpool, Rob 'Del Terror' and Matthew Davenport, and as far as Australia with the headlining act Angus Little, son of famous Mark Little.

Also to grace the very cosy and atmospheric little venue were, Jack Shanik whose style has been described as 'measured daftness and sophisticated fifth', former anarchist and award winning  comedy veteran Roland Gent, Meir Clarence Frank with his 'distinct world view and honest philosophy' and not forgetting Neil Shawcross, Barry Meaden, Dan Barnes, and of course Paul Warburton all with their own very unique and side busting styles.

Alana hosted easily between acts, keeping the crowd psyched and ready to receive their artists and by the time headliner Angus Little was ready to take Blackpool by storm the crowds were eagerly waiting for the pinnacle of the evening to make their night go out with a bang.

Angus delivered everything and more than was promised, the crowd truly felt included and part of the show with his audience interaction and quick responses to the heckles he received as if it were absolute second nature. There were tears of laughter streaming from red raw faces as he owned the venue with his incredibly natural talent to procure a laugh from even the most hard faced characters.

It was an absolute joy to witness the start of something that Blackpool has been desperately needing for a long time now and the North West Comedy Collective are not going to be stopping there. Every Thursday at 8pm, Reflections will now host new and upcoming artists making their appearances on the scene. You can guarantee an evening of quality and excellence from its organiser, Alana, and reasonably priced drinks to boot!

Congratulations to Alana for this brilliant endeavour, a special thanks also goes Alison and Roy for being the delightful hosts of this venue, DJ Daniel 'Horrors' Horrobin for the sound and PA and of course, to the artists without whom there would not have been such a successful night.

We hope to see more from the North West Comedy Collective in the future and if you haven't already been get yourselves down to next week's performance, you will not be disappointed.

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Reflections, 131 Church Street, Blackpool, Cafe by day, Bar by night. English food served 12pm-6pm, Caribbean food served 12pm-10pm.

Troglodytes

To be quite honest, there's really no excuse in the world for not bathing. It bewilders me every time some odorous soul comes into the store and buys a bag full of chocolate, would it not be better to save that odd pound or two for a bar of soap and some washing powder for your clothes? Bizarre.

I admit that I will have the odd day when I cant be bothered but doesn't everyone? One of those 'I need a shower but I'll do it when I get back home from work.' But even so I will get in to work and spend the rest of the day being paranoid and wishing that I'd made the effort in this first place, one because its embarrassing and two because no one likes a 'smelly' person that looks like they've just fallen out of bed.

The people that I am referring to in the first place are what I like to call 'troglodytes', I'm sorry to sound harsh but you'll probably agree with me when I explain the type, you might even recognise some of the same characteristics from the people in your own home town because believe me, they are absolutely everywhere.

They usually dress in the same manner; the woman go as follows: their hair is usually long and greasy maybe even greying and always scraped back in a high ponytail, sometimes donning a hat. Their mouth is full of half rotten teeth and their skin pock marked with spots and no make up. The attire consists of jeans which must have been tight for the past few decades or sometimes a pleated skirt with no tights but socks and  dilapidated trainers. Usually found pulling along a shopper bag or some sort of animal themed bag to match their animal, dog or cat, themed fleece. The men usually like to sport a nice beanie hat not correctly pulled down onto their head so that it resembles an unrolled condom; they don't usually shave or if they do they instead you can find wisps of light hair under their chins. They like to sport t shirts usually given away with different things, like on cereal boxes or if you buy so many beers, the type of t shirts that people give to charity shops and no one ever buy so some poor child in India ends up advertising Guinness.

And let's not forget that these people, always always, smell.

It's hard to place what it actually resembles, but I would say that the closest I can get is a cheese from about 1986. It's basically just sweat on top of sweat on top of sweat. The clothes are never washed so even if they do have a bath they would just come out and get in to the same dirty clothes. It's a vicious cycle of filth.

I sometimes wonder what these people's homes are like. Are their bathrooms covered in cobwebs and cleaning products since before the millennium? Do they have overflowing washing baskets of crusty socks and underwear? Have their washing machines ever been used or do they even have one at all? You must believe me when I say that I do realise some people aren't well off enough to have the means to do their own home washing and need to visit the launderette's, but even so isn't this easier, having someone else sort it out while you disappear off round town?

I can think of nothing more lovely and satisfying that having a nice long soak in the bath, using all my lovely smelling products and then getting into some nice freshly laundered clean clothes. You feel like a million dollars! Why wouldn't anyone want to feel like that? At what point did these people stop looking in the mirror or realising that they absolutely reek! Do they get up in the morning, throw on the same old things and decide on a day of sloth and waste walking around town stinking out shops and spending money they probably don't even have.

I've been working retail for fifteen years and these people are still rife, its a terrible thing but when I was working at Musiczone I didn't used to stand for it, I would walk around with a can of spray following said people and commenting 'get a bath,' or 'what a stink', I feel bad about it now, who knows what situation they were in back then but doesn't someone need to say it? Maybe those people went home that night and thought 'actually, she's right.'
Unless you have some sort of medical disorder there is no excuse for smelling, not a single one. You can be as poor as anything but I'm sure someone would be gracious enough to give you a bar of soap or give you a hand washing your things.

I guess now you know, I'm not a fan of foul odors.

Changes

I've always had very strange dreams as long as I can remember, I used to write them down and decode them as best as I could but then I lost track of the whole thing and forgot about it, as is the way of me.

Last night I had a particularly odd one; I was back at Keswick road and a black and white cat got into our house, I'm presuming that this was my first cat Twinkle as it was very fluffy as it slunk off. My mother was telling me that Daniel had come by early to start cleaning and she was impressed, I found him out in the back garden doing something and asked him a question to which he pretty much told me to go away (in kinder words). Not much really happened after that, though the dream was very drawn out and mostly i remember my house and my old room with the sun trying to shine through the thick red velvet curtains.
I have absolutely no explanation for this at all, I often dream about Keswick road, I suppose its been ingrained on my memory as a place of happiness. On the other hand sometimes I dream about my Grandmother's house, my father's mother 'Edna', those ones aren't usually that nice because of certain things, but they're best left to another time.

I suppose I dream the most when I'm stressed or ill and right now that's no exception, I woke up with a runny nose and a sore throat caught from Daniel. It was probably my body saying 'hey you're not feeling great so I'm going to manifest in your unconscious while you dream and really confuse you!'. Well illness and brain, it worked.

Its raining in Blackpool today, there's not many people about as usual and more shops in the town centre are closing down, there's a few up our street that have gone or are going out of business, so Victoria street really is a prime location at the moment, not. This whole place is getting so dead end and there's so many horrible things happening close to the area that I live that I'm starting to become afraid to go out.

Every week you will hear of some new horror in the Gazette, whether its an elderly man being beaten and mugged, a young man being murdered, a mentally disabled woman being kidnapped and tortured or something else, its like something out of crime movie or novel, I feel like I'm living in the hood! What has happened to you Blackpool?

When I was growing up things were so much better, I know that everyone says that but they were; sure you still had the homeless and the alcoholics knocking about around Central drive and Ibbison court but they were just drunks and homeless, they didn't cause any problems. Blackpool was still rowdy around the bars and pubs but I suppose back then people reconciled their differences whereas now they're quite happy to punch someone's teeth out, for example a man did it to a girl I know quite recently...a man punched a woman's teeth out...

There were no gates sectioning off our alleyways, people were on good speaking terms with their neighbours, you could leave your door unlocked and let your kids play on the street without fear, kids were happy being outside and playing with their friends instead of hiding inside their rooms being 'sociable' on the internet (yes I know that's a little hypocritical from me). The streets were cleaner, people looked after their homes, everyone pretty much had a job and neighbourhood's were safe. I miss the late eighties right up to the year 2000, I think that's when things started to change.

I think it all comes down to the same thing again which I've mentioned before, money, but you've had my opinion on that. I don't think people care anymore, we've become a numb society and unfeeling towards our fellow man, we only look out for number one now because that's how we've been brainwashed to think by everything around us. Who's piece of technology is better than the others? Who's got a better house, car, more money? Where are you going next on holiday, how much are you spending on clothes and grooming this week? It's all me, me, me. 

If people were to spend more of their money on helping others i.e. donating etc. and building up their communities we might get back to the way things were. Society has become incredibly selfish. How many times have you walked past that charity worker asking you to help his cause, or how many times have you ignored that Big Issue seller trying to make enough money to support his rehabilitation into society for the sake of holding on to your precious £2. How many times have you hardened up or switched channels when those animals or children appear pleading for help. We just ignore everything around up and wrap ourselves up in the comfortable warm bubble that is 'me'.

When I was young, my mother always made a point of giving me pennies or silver to put in the charity pots and buckets of the people who were raising awareness around town, she would let me give money to buskers and the homeless because we didn't need that money and it could help someone else. What people don't realise is that money regenerates all the time and to be honest, what is money? A few bits of metal and paper, how can it be so precious? Why do we spend our whole lives chasing money instead of trying to make every moment our happiest?

I don't understand this world anymore, I don't have any connection with most of the population, my heart is too big for this place. I have a few friends that share my views on this, they're close friends like my best friend Bob, who I've known since I was about ten or eleven and they understand the person that I am. I've only got a very small close circle of friends now, the posers and the wannabe's have disappeared over the years and for that I'm pretty glad as they never really wanted to know me, they just liked my ideas and me opening their minds for a little while but then they shrank back into conformity and joined the herd.

I hope one day that the world will learn the error of their ways and join my crusade of care and love but til then I will carry on trying to change things by one caring act at a time.

The Story of Us

The story of how Daniel and I got together is a strange one but I guess the best stories are never straightforward.

I'd been in a long unfruitful relationship for a few years, in fact its probably the worst relationship that I've ever experienced. Through one fault or another the whole thing hadn't been working since day one and I don't know why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe it was because I felt sorry for him, coming from not the best background and being a victim of circumstance to this fact. However it does not condone the fact that for the entirity of our relationship he didn't have and job and continued to squeeze every last bit of patience and care I had to give.

Towards the end of the relationship all I felt for X was repulsion, disgust and resentment, I feel bad now for letting myself continue in that relationship with those feelings as it was fair on neither one of us. I had pretty lost all feeling and become despondent to life, having struggled through each day on bare minimum of money, each evening I would come home and sit at my computer, letting myself become emerged in Anime fandoms and speaking with similar minded people.

It was October 2011 when I discovered my first Anime obsessions, Black Butler or Kuroshitsuji and became interested in the concept of Cosplay. I'd always been fond of making costumes and dressing up ever since I was small so this was second nature to me. One of my friends who I knew liked Anime started talking to me again over the internet and we became close again speaking about our very similar interests. This friend was Daniel.
Like me, Daniel had had some trouble with past relationships and had moved away to Stoke On Trent to work at a job with a former wrestler called Kendo Nagasaki. He was right out in the middle of nowhere and didn't really speak to anyone from his home town anymore apart from myself. In the past I had met Daniel when he'd come round for one of my birthdays, we'd got on instantly but he was a much different person back then. We'd been friends for four years on and off.

I'd told Daniel that there was a convention in Manchester called Doki Doki that I wanted to attend and he said that he'd love to come. The day before the convention Daniel headed down to Blackpool and stayed over at my house the night before, we had a good laugh and pretty much ignored X and his whinging and moaning about Daniel (who he'd never liked), he really didn't like me having fun it seemed.

The next day we were up early getting into our costumes, Daniel had decided against the first character of the series he'd chosen and decided to go for another, the counterpart and partner of the character I was playing. We still have the videos of the convention to this day and its really interesting to see just how different we were. We went to the evening do in the club Zoo and got quite drunk, we even got followed back to the hotel we were staying in by some martial arts guys that were looking for a good time but we just went into the hotel and forgot they even existed.

I don't remember fancying Daniel or him me at all whilst we were friends, when I think back there were a couple of times when I think the spark was there but nothing was done about it or we were still so confused and a mess we didn't see it until later; one time was when I was drawing his eyebrows on and we looked at each other for a moment, one of those moments where you pause just before a kiss, apart from there was no kiss.

After the convention the next time that I saw Daniel was over the Christmas period, I was having a few gender confusing issues, as a result of cosplaying one of my favourite characters I had started dressing like a boy and even thinking how much easier it would have been as a boy, I went out a few times in drag and didn't even think anything of it, something that Daniel had also done in the past. Daniel had struck women off after a particularly bad relationship and had done the same thing as me, he'd thought life would be easier as a woman, but it wasn't.

On Christmas eve, Daniel invited me and X round to his parents hotel and I met his brother, Liam, and his family for the first time very vaguely. The three of us went out of the town and me and Daniel had a lot of fun but X was miserable as usual, it was a good night. Daniel would regularly come into my shop and chat with me about how things were going, meaning with X and would regularly also tell me that I would be better getting shut, an idea shared by all of my family and friends. I wish I had listened but it would not be long until I was free.
New years eve 2011 came and X had decided to go to a party in Fleetwood while I stayed at home and had invited some of my best friends round for a Cosplay house party. It was the best idea ever! We had a brilliant night and got very drunk, the next day I ended up waking next to Daniel in my four poster bed, both of us still in cosplay and very hungover, nothing had happened but now thinking back, its funny and maybe even destiny that he was the first person I woke up next to on the start of that new year.

A few days later X wanted to speak to me and admitted sleeping with someone else on New Years eve...Its horrible to say but I was absolutely relieved, I now had a reason to break off the floundering and pathetic relationship and set us both free. I called Daniel and he was happy for me, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. X moved out shortly after than and I started my new life.

On January 21st 2012 I arrived in Chester ready for the Thorntons charity NSPCC ball, I spent a few hours wandering around the shops before I went to the station to wait for my partner I was going with, Daniel. As soon as I saw him I knew that I felt different, we'd shared so much and become so close over the past few months I was hoping that maybe he trusted me enough to give women another shot, after all I wasn't your typical girl anyway.

That evening, after an incredibly successful night, Daniel was such a big hit with everyone, we shared our first kiss under the moonlight in the garden out the back of the Queens Hotel, it was perfect and the first of many. It took us some time to actually admit that we had strong feelings for each other and were going to attempt to trust each other with our fragile hearts and minds, it was then, around the first week of February we made it official and Daniel started coming down every weekend.

Every weekend was wonderful and it hurt so much to say goodbye to each other as he got on the train and disappeared back miles away from me. We would Skype to each other and speak on the phone for endless hours, sometimes I would even fall asleep listening to him talking. We tried so hard to keep the long distance going but it was becoming more difficult and eventually, much to my reluctance as he had such a good job, he returned to Blackpool to be with me. On 21st July 2012, Daniel took me back to the Queen Hotel in Chester where we'd shared our first kiss, he proposed to me in that very same garden.

I will never forget the sacrifice he made to give it all up just to be with me and I must continue to remind myself every day of that sacrifice so that I can scare away the jealousy and keep back the horrible trust issues that have been ingrained into me from years of people going behind my back. I owe Daniel so much, I really like the person that I am today and I wouldn't change a thing about him, he's really helped me get out of a dark hole and god knows that I've helped pull him out of a cavernous one of his own.

We were both broken pieces of humans, not fully whole until we got together and then day by day we exchanged the pieces of our minds and souls to fill the gaps of the other and like some wonderful jigsaw puzzle we were mended. Our pieces are held together with love, respect, trust, adoration, patience and need. He will always be part of me and I of him. We are what I believed in but never found, soulmates.

Compromise

I'm not the most mentally stable of minds. I think it has something, in part, to do with my grandma's Bipolar, I suppose there's a possibility that I might have a very mild, watered down version of it but I'll never be sure as I certainly don't want to  be tested for it and even if it turns out that I am, I won't take medication. If the body can't deal with it on its own then I believe you should never take medication, unless in extreme circumstances, like life threatening illness such as Diabetes etc.

I'm quite an emotional person, it really doesn't take much to set me off in a bad mood or a crying fit, but that's rare these days. I tend to notice my flip in moods more than I used to, maybe its just hormones or maybe its more deep seated but it certainly causes problems for me, even though you would never tell unless you were extremely close to me.

Daniel gets the brunt of it the most, because we spend most if not all or our time together. If we get stressed or grumpy from work we tend to bring it home with us and fuel each others fire; whereas I like to come in and do some cleaning before I can relax, Dan likes to comes in and go straight on his DJ decks to let off some steam. We tend to lock heads when we meet in the middle; he wants me to chillout and sit down whereas I want him to help me then relax. Its catch 22 but we work around it because we love each other.

Daniel and I have different views also on what 'relaxation' means. To Daniel, relaxation is spending endless hours mixing and scratching on his 1210's, making quite a bit of noise as I like to put it. I do, however, admit that he is incredibly good at his hobby and he would have no problem getting a job in a top club, which I think would be his dream job; that or working in Ibiza.

To me, relaxation is different, I'm at the opposite end of the spectrum. Its chilling out in the bath with candles, incense and a good book, or its having a cuddle with my babies on the bed listening to some chilled out movie soundtracks or the sounds of nature. Relaxation is a nice massage, or a walk down the beach just as the sun it setting. Guess I'm just a hopeless romantic.

Despite Daniel and I being at complete opposite polar ends it really does seem to work. Daniel is the voice and actions of our relationship, the thought and logic, the protector and the doer. I am the thinker, the love and care, the order and routine, I'm also the organiser, cleaner and bill payer ;)

Every day I'm trying to be a better and more understanding partner for Daniel, I admit his music choice is not my favourite but I do love his skill and passion for what he does and I think he feels the same back about me. I can do things that Daniel can't and he can do things that I can't. I suppose were both as intrigued and proud as the other of our different skills.

I love Daniel more than anything, I've had a string of failed relationships in the past. Jumping from one relationship to the next was not the best thing I've ever done. I wish that I could go back and stop myself and say, 'wait, just wait, he'll be along and he'll be all you ever need.' but then I remind myself that if I hadn't had the past that I did I would never have met him. All those messy series of events were leading right to him and we were the right people for each other at the right time...right? :)

I can see a lovely future for us both and we really don't have to try hard at all, our relationship is as easy as breathing, its perfect and I could never have wished for anyone who loves and cares for me so much. He's my imperfect Mr. Perfect and I love every single flaw. He's my Daniel and I'm his Shelle, and that's the way it will always be <3