I'd been in a long unfruitful relationship for a few years, in fact its probably the worst relationship that I've ever experienced. Through one fault or another the whole thing hadn't been working since day one and I don't know why I stayed as long as I did. Maybe it was because I felt sorry for him, coming from not the best background and being a victim of circumstance to this fact. However it does not condone the fact that for the entirity of our relationship he didn't have and job and continued to squeeze every last bit of patience and care I had to give.
Towards the end of the relationship all I felt for X was repulsion, disgust and resentment, I feel bad now for letting myself continue in that relationship with those feelings as it was fair on neither one of us. I had pretty lost all feeling and become despondent to life, having struggled through each day on bare minimum of money, each evening I would come home and sit at my computer, letting myself become emerged in Anime fandoms and speaking with similar minded people.
It was October 2011 when I discovered my first Anime obsessions, Black Butler or Kuroshitsuji and became interested in the concept of Cosplay. I'd always been fond of making costumes and dressing up ever since I was small so this was second nature to me. One of my friends who I knew liked Anime started talking to me again over the internet and we became close again speaking about our very similar interests. This friend was Daniel.
Like me, Daniel had had some trouble with past relationships and had moved away to Stoke On Trent to work at a job with a former wrestler called Kendo Nagasaki. He was right out in the middle of nowhere and didn't really speak to anyone from his home town anymore apart from myself. In the past I had met Daniel when he'd come round for one of my birthdays, we'd got on instantly but he was a much different person back then. We'd been friends for four years on and off.
I'd told Daniel that there was a convention in Manchester called Doki Doki that I wanted to attend and he said that he'd love to come. The day before the convention Daniel headed down to Blackpool and stayed over at my house the night before, we had a good laugh and pretty much ignored X and his whinging and moaning about Daniel (who he'd never liked), he really didn't like me having fun it seemed.
The next day we were up early getting into our costumes, Daniel had decided against the first character of the series he'd chosen and decided to go for another, the counterpart and partner of the character I was playing. We still have the videos of the convention to this day and its really interesting to see just how different we were. We went to the evening do in the club Zoo and got quite drunk, we even got followed back to the hotel we were staying in by some martial arts guys that were looking for a good time but we just went into the hotel and forgot they even existed.
I don't remember fancying Daniel or him me at all whilst we were friends, when I think back there were a couple of times when I think the spark was there but nothing was done about it or we were still so confused and a mess we didn't see it until later; one time was when I was drawing his eyebrows on and we looked at each other for a moment, one of those moments where you pause just before a kiss, apart from there was no kiss.
After the convention the next time that I saw Daniel was over the Christmas period, I was having a few gender confusing issues, as a result of cosplaying one of my favourite characters I had started dressing like a boy and even thinking how much easier it would have been as a boy, I went out a few times in drag and didn't even think anything of it, something that Daniel had also done in the past. Daniel had struck women off after a particularly bad relationship and had done the same thing as me, he'd thought life would be easier as a woman, but it wasn't.
On Christmas eve, Daniel invited me and X round to his parents hotel and I met his brother, Liam, and his family for the first time very vaguely. The three of us went out of the town and me and Daniel had a lot of fun but X was miserable as usual, it was a good night. Daniel would regularly come into my shop and chat with me about how things were going, meaning with X and would regularly also tell me that I would be better getting shut, an idea shared by all of my family and friends. I wish I had listened but it would not be long until I was free.
New years eve 2011 came and X had decided to go to a party in Fleetwood while I stayed at home and had invited some of my best friends round for a Cosplay house party. It was the best idea ever! We had a brilliant night and got very drunk, the next day I ended up waking next to Daniel in my four poster bed, both of us still in cosplay and very hungover, nothing had happened but now thinking back, its funny and maybe even destiny that he was the first person I woke up next to on the start of that new year.
A few days later X wanted to speak to me and admitted sleeping with someone else on New Years eve...Its horrible to say but I was absolutely relieved, I now had a reason to break off the floundering and pathetic relationship and set us both free. I called Daniel and he was happy for me, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted, like there was a light at the end of the tunnel. X moved out shortly after than and I started my new life.
On January 21st 2012 I arrived in Chester ready for the Thorntons charity NSPCC ball, I spent a few hours wandering around the shops before I went to the station to wait for my partner I was going with, Daniel. As soon as I saw him I knew that I felt different, we'd shared so much and become so close over the past few months I was hoping that maybe he trusted me enough to give women another shot, after all I wasn't your typical girl anyway.
That evening, after an incredibly successful night, Daniel was such a big hit with everyone, we shared our first kiss under the moonlight in the garden out the back of the Queens Hotel, it was perfect and the first of many. It took us some time to actually admit that we had strong feelings for each other and were going to attempt to trust each other with our fragile hearts and minds, it was then, around the first week of February we made it official and Daniel started coming down every weekend.
Every weekend was wonderful and it hurt so much to say goodbye to each other as he got on the train and disappeared back miles away from me. We would Skype to each other and speak on the phone for endless hours, sometimes I would even fall asleep listening to him talking. We tried so hard to keep the long distance going but it was becoming more difficult and eventually, much to my reluctance as he had such a good job, he returned to Blackpool to be with me. On 21st July 2012, Daniel took me back to the Queen Hotel in Chester where we'd shared our first kiss, he proposed to me in that very same garden.
I will never forget the sacrifice he made to give it all up just to be with me and I must continue to remind myself every day of that sacrifice so that I can scare away the jealousy and keep back the horrible trust issues that have been ingrained into me from years of people going behind my back. I owe Daniel so much, I really like the person that I am today and I wouldn't change a thing about him, he's really helped me get out of a dark hole and god knows that I've helped pull him out of a cavernous one of his own.
We were both broken pieces of humans, not fully whole until we got together and then day by day we exchanged the pieces of our minds and souls to fill the gaps of the other and like some wonderful jigsaw puzzle we were mended. Our pieces are held together with love, respect, trust, adoration, patience and need. He will always be part of me and I of him. We are what I believed in but never found, soulmates.
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