Changes

I've always had very strange dreams as long as I can remember, I used to write them down and decode them as best as I could but then I lost track of the whole thing and forgot about it, as is the way of me.

Last night I had a particularly odd one; I was back at Keswick road and a black and white cat got into our house, I'm presuming that this was my first cat Twinkle as it was very fluffy as it slunk off. My mother was telling me that Daniel had come by early to start cleaning and she was impressed, I found him out in the back garden doing something and asked him a question to which he pretty much told me to go away (in kinder words). Not much really happened after that, though the dream was very drawn out and mostly i remember my house and my old room with the sun trying to shine through the thick red velvet curtains.
I have absolutely no explanation for this at all, I often dream about Keswick road, I suppose its been ingrained on my memory as a place of happiness. On the other hand sometimes I dream about my Grandmother's house, my father's mother 'Edna', those ones aren't usually that nice because of certain things, but they're best left to another time.

I suppose I dream the most when I'm stressed or ill and right now that's no exception, I woke up with a runny nose and a sore throat caught from Daniel. It was probably my body saying 'hey you're not feeling great so I'm going to manifest in your unconscious while you dream and really confuse you!'. Well illness and brain, it worked.

Its raining in Blackpool today, there's not many people about as usual and more shops in the town centre are closing down, there's a few up our street that have gone or are going out of business, so Victoria street really is a prime location at the moment, not. This whole place is getting so dead end and there's so many horrible things happening close to the area that I live that I'm starting to become afraid to go out.

Every week you will hear of some new horror in the Gazette, whether its an elderly man being beaten and mugged, a young man being murdered, a mentally disabled woman being kidnapped and tortured or something else, its like something out of crime movie or novel, I feel like I'm living in the hood! What has happened to you Blackpool?

When I was growing up things were so much better, I know that everyone says that but they were; sure you still had the homeless and the alcoholics knocking about around Central drive and Ibbison court but they were just drunks and homeless, they didn't cause any problems. Blackpool was still rowdy around the bars and pubs but I suppose back then people reconciled their differences whereas now they're quite happy to punch someone's teeth out, for example a man did it to a girl I know quite recently...a man punched a woman's teeth out...

There were no gates sectioning off our alleyways, people were on good speaking terms with their neighbours, you could leave your door unlocked and let your kids play on the street without fear, kids were happy being outside and playing with their friends instead of hiding inside their rooms being 'sociable' on the internet (yes I know that's a little hypocritical from me). The streets were cleaner, people looked after their homes, everyone pretty much had a job and neighbourhood's were safe. I miss the late eighties right up to the year 2000, I think that's when things started to change.

I think it all comes down to the same thing again which I've mentioned before, money, but you've had my opinion on that. I don't think people care anymore, we've become a numb society and unfeeling towards our fellow man, we only look out for number one now because that's how we've been brainwashed to think by everything around us. Who's piece of technology is better than the others? Who's got a better house, car, more money? Where are you going next on holiday, how much are you spending on clothes and grooming this week? It's all me, me, me. 

If people were to spend more of their money on helping others i.e. donating etc. and building up their communities we might get back to the way things were. Society has become incredibly selfish. How many times have you walked past that charity worker asking you to help his cause, or how many times have you ignored that Big Issue seller trying to make enough money to support his rehabilitation into society for the sake of holding on to your precious £2. How many times have you hardened up or switched channels when those animals or children appear pleading for help. We just ignore everything around up and wrap ourselves up in the comfortable warm bubble that is 'me'.

When I was young, my mother always made a point of giving me pennies or silver to put in the charity pots and buckets of the people who were raising awareness around town, she would let me give money to buskers and the homeless because we didn't need that money and it could help someone else. What people don't realise is that money regenerates all the time and to be honest, what is money? A few bits of metal and paper, how can it be so precious? Why do we spend our whole lives chasing money instead of trying to make every moment our happiest?

I don't understand this world anymore, I don't have any connection with most of the population, my heart is too big for this place. I have a few friends that share my views on this, they're close friends like my best friend Bob, who I've known since I was about ten or eleven and they understand the person that I am. I've only got a very small close circle of friends now, the posers and the wannabe's have disappeared over the years and for that I'm pretty glad as they never really wanted to know me, they just liked my ideas and me opening their minds for a little while but then they shrank back into conformity and joined the herd.

I hope one day that the world will learn the error of their ways and join my crusade of care and love but til then I will carry on trying to change things by one caring act at a time.